TNN 99

Hello folks… an’ welcome again to we broadcast…(deep voice)… This Is TNN…… so, chilren go to school an’ learn wellllll… otherwise later on in life yuh go ketch real Hell…. without an education in yuh head…. yuh life go be pure misery, yuh better of dead! …… …… (Sparrow …. (background music) 

Jumpstation: De carnival dat was; Make sure yuh chilren learn, Trouble in de middle east, Politricks', How to recognise a Trini on holiday abroad.

Yeah, it come an’ gone again.. believe it or not… an interestin’ one…. it would be easier if it take it by categories, so ah go start wit' de calypso…

Ah check out ah couple tents, went to the semi final round where it had 21 calypsonians competing for a place in de Dimanche Gras, listened to all de various categories (social, humorous, political, etc..)… de calypsoes were decent, not too many I would brand as classics, but good enough. 

What was amazin’ was de Caribbean Invasion, where Square One (wit' Alison Hinds), Edwin Yearwood, Rupee an’ ah host of odder Caribbean singers ruled de airways an’ de parties… dis year would have to be called de year of the “Rest of de Caribbean”.   Dem people long since get de message… dey m akin’ songs dat could play all year round.. but we stick up in makin’ ah “Road March” or ah “Party song” or some other nonsense so dat after Carnival over an’ yuh more sane mind return, yuh eh want to hear dem songs again…! 

De “islanders” combine some of dey orginal rhythms wit de soca an’ breathing’ fire!   I eh vex, though.. if we eh want to do it, let somebody else go wit’ it……  De sad t’ing is every year yuh hear good calypsoes in de tent, but de singer only have one song or doh have money to record, so some of dese songs lost for good.. nobody in de culture ministry (or even de tent deyself!) ever take time to make ah l’il tape of de song to archive and do ah compilation… nope!  Dat too easy….  

So is like pourin’ ah gallon ah milk into ah cup.. most of it wastin’, because we keep tryin’ to confine calypso to Carnival… we eh learn from de islanders yet.. when dem on tour dat is de majority of dey repertoire…. poor TnT, always growin’ grass for odder people animal to feed! 

Dimanche Gras night was decent, good calypsoes, usual argument about who shoulda win….. whatever…. de standard wasn’t as high as last year, but….. (might I respectfully suggest dat dey move dat show to ah more appropriate venue?)

As regards de street bands, no real change in most of de major bands…. beads and bikini, shorts and shirts…. except of course for Minshall, Berkeley an’ ah couple odders… ah mus’ say dis year we see almost vintage Minshall back again.. he play Picoplat..  If yuh see cloth, colour an’ class!  Man, was wings in yuh face, waist, back, front an’ centre..   De effect of de band was something else, just swirlin’ cloth and colours, people playin’ mas.. not “jumpin’ up”. 

What is de difference?  ..well lemme relate yuh ah story..  Somebody dis year tell meh dey eh care much for calypso… no problem… except dat de person was in ah band!   Now tell me something!   In many instances I realise dat people eh care bout history, culture, design, representation, nothin’!   All dey want to do is “get on bad” for two days, dat is dey contribution to Carnival….who vex, lorse!   When yuh tell dem dey wastin’ money buyin’ ah bikini for $1,200 or yuh try an’ talk to de band leaders, dey say people say it too hot for cloth an’ dey jus’ want to free up…. apparently de sun hotter now dan it was earlier in de century, so people earlier on coulda wear ah whole costume for de whole day…Talk de truth, alyuh eh care! 

Ah nex ole talk go be how yuh eh want to move wit’ de times, yuh eh want to change…. brudder, I quite agree wit’ change yuh know.. but if we continue dis way, yuh ever wonder wey we go end up?  How we go produce anodder Minshall, Berkeley, Chris Santo, George Bailey, Saldenah, etc… if all yuh have to work on is bikini and shorts!   I eh sayin’ de little bit of fabric eh have its place… by all means, Carnival includes all, but oh gooorrrmmmm , 4000 masqueraders wit’ de same t’ing… jus’ diferent colours?!

Come Ash Wednesday, dey slip back into work, pull dong dey foreign CDs an’ not ah calypso till nex’ yearr…. dem doh go to tent, to steelband festival, nothing…. dey jus’ out for ah good time… nothing wrong wit’ dat, but ah mean if yuh playin’ Mas every year, try an’ learn something about it nah, in case ah foreigner ask yuh something or yuh might one day have to explain it to yuh children.. 

Ah seein' a strange an’ worrisome t’ing… less an’ less small an’ medium size bands.. every body playing with de six large bands because is something of ah prestige now… “I play wit’ ah big band, yuh know!”  So de small designers gettin’ squeeze out…  Not only dat, dey design ah route for de bands dem…. my word!   Yuh could walk down 80 % of Port of Spain Streets an’ not see ah band!   Man, make de bands go through de town (once dey could pass! Or round de Savannah.. or something! Even Downtown Port of Spain eh see ah band before 11 o'clock in de mornin’…. Need I say more?

Steelband dis year was nice… from early Neal and Massy All Stars was goin’ guns, but as usual on de finals night, man have dey bomb to drop.. so we waitin’ to hear what Despers, Renegades, Exodus an’ de odder big guns comin’ wit… man, BODOW, yuh know is ah Tobago band dat come high up in de Finals….?! Shocker! But ah tell yuh ah hear Despers an’ all ah dem, but when ah hear All Stars play Firestorm, man was like dey bun’ dong de Savannah! Rage, beauty, talent, spirit, explosive…..oh Looooorrrrrdddddd! 

People start to bawl…was standing ovation!  De storm blow way de competition!  Firesticks on steel… after 16 years, dey finally win an Panorama finals..   Ah bounce dem up Carnival Tuesday playin’ on de road… man, all dey jerseys sell out, dey fans around dem…. everybody face beamin!   At last! At last!   After so many years of knocking, de door finally open! We gettin’ we respect now….! Take dat in alyuh pfeffen!

Of course de usual controversy with congestion, de route de bands should take (cyah figure that out after 50 years!), how non-costumed masqueraders jumpin’ in de bands, etc.   But all in al, still worth seein’ and experiencin’..   

Ah wonder when we go see de Carnival Institute or Cultural center with pictures of Kings and Queens of Carnival of yesteryear, with minature replicas or posters for tourists or locals to buy?  When we go see de faces/names of past Calypso monarchs on little brass plaques with ah history card below dem?  When we go see de history and people of de steelband movement up dey in de Institute?  When we go see dese t’ings in de school curriculum… I WONDERIN’  an’ dem politicians WANDERIN’….. what ah WONDERFUL country..!

MAKE SURE YUH CHILREN LEARN.... (chorus line from old Sparrow calypso).. yeah, but is what dey learnin’!

Well after de festival finish de bacchanal now start….!  Man it had ah crime rampage in de country.. a murder every two days dey was runnin’ at… people hol’ de head an’ bawl….

Durin’ Carnival people get rob, beat up, lick up… it was de worst we had seen in years… an’ de alarmin’ t’ing was dat most of de crimes was being done by young people, some ah dem in gangs… but de last straw is when students start to rough up teachers (yes man, ah mean beat, like a stray dog getting’ licks kinda beatin’).

Not dat dat surprise me any…. it eh now ah tellin’ dem dat we feedin’ dem chilren de wrong food… all foreign, nothin’ local, so monkey see monkey do…  When ah did say make sure dat de parents in court wit’ children and make sure dey share in punishment too, nobody take meh on…..  When ah did say dat it have ah triangle home and parents on top an’ chilren below, some say ah was ole fashion…. everybody should be at de same level.. eh-heh!   Right!  Well we reapin’ de whirlwind now… 

Now dey have ah crime fighting “Ananconda” program, to put de “squeexe” on crime.. an’ ah hear people sayin’ dat is de homes dat breedin’ de criminals..   Well, ahmmm,.. wey yuh did expeck dem to come from?  De damn sky?!   If ah chile uncontrollable, is community work in he tail, if he want to hit people, let him feel how hittin’ does hurt, res’ ah han’ on him!  Yes, I is ah savage…!  How de hell you could walk up to ah female teacher an’ even begin to t’ink about hittin’ de woman or jumpin’ ah school guard or landin’ teachers in hospital? 

My take is simply dis.. to get some people attention, yuh does have to come at dey own level… you come too sophisticated, dey go feel yuh sof’ or it go go over dey head…. simple! 

In my day parents were responsible for chilren an’ until we bring dat back, no amount of patrol, no amount of guns, no amount of prison go solve anyt’ing..  School an’ society suppose to enforce dat.. if parents want to beat teachers, make sure dey chilren stay home wit’ dem…. yeah, it have ah name for dat…. home school!   If parents cyah manage, juvenile system take over, start to do some hard, long community work…. it go give yuh time to t’ink an’ keep yuh outta trouble… Make sure dey supervised an’ as dey step of de line, drag dem back.. after dat bring yuh psychology… we go talk den!  I done talk!

TROUBLE IN DE MIDDLE EAST.....

Nah, I eh talkin’ about Israel an’ dem people….. is trouble for we with cricket!   Man, we play two Tests and 3 One Day matches against Pakistan in ah neutral ground (Sharjah in the United Arab Emirates).. 

Well, papayo, is dog licks we get.. an’ ah talkin’ ‘bout stray dog here, eh… de only consolation was dat it didn’t have big crowds so only ah small setta people see we get blows! 

Look nah, Paki make mincemeat outta West Indies!  In one Test , when we bat, we eh make enough runs so we was supposed to follow on.. eh-heh?!  Not ah bit of dat… Paki went back in, bat, make ah huge total an’ den bowl we down like nine pins. 

The matches was comin’ on at about two o'clock in de morning, but when I see how de land lyin’.. ah say “Not dis brudder… lemme get meh sleep, before ah reach to work vex or depressed!” 

An’ talk about LBW decisions, some ah dem wrong like ah circle, but de umpire gi’ dem out..y uh t’ink de West Indies Cricket Board complain… Nooooooo!… we too polite, if was Australia, woulda be hell to pay! 

But at least we have ah excuse, we could say de umpire t’ief…. actually he mighta do we ah favor, by sendin’ de team back early.. at least dey could get ah chance to sightsee instead ah jus’ takin’ ah pummeling…..! 

It was absolutely pathetic… big men makin’ some schoolboy shots an’ when is we turn to bowl, de bowler might bowl five or six good overs an’ den is lash! 

Newcomers on de side take ah hat-trick of wickets, etc.. like dey miss de Carnival, so dey decide to make mas down dey! 

We even come back with two players injured so dey couldn’t take part in de regional Busta Cup… an both ah dem frrom Trinidad!  Man, when yuh blight, wet paper could cut yuh… bad!

So de fellas come back home, an’ nex’ two months we have to face India on home soil.. ah hope dey eh make we eat dirt!

POLITRICKS.....

An’ dem fellas have more trick dan ah tree fulla monkeys….. 

Lemme deal wit’ de man I call “De dancer”… pity he cyah keep time atall! 

Papatrick , de new PM movin’ all over de dance floor for de las’ couple months… like ah say de man have moves, but he always on somebody toe! 

First, he appoint he wife to Cabinet.. first misstep… nothin’ to do wit’ de woman qualifications or competence, but it eh lookin’ good to have de family runnin’ de country, if yuh see what ah mean..! Appoint de woman as advisor or part of a Project Implementation Unit or something, but not ah minister… poor politics… den he raise de salaries of all parliamentarians… now I was de first to say dat Ministers etc, deserve more pay.. yuh cyah attract good people wit' ah $8,000 ah month salary.. Hell no! But brudder, yuh jus’ reach… wait ah while nah, doh appear to be too greedy and graspin’… yuh know “I eh here for long, so lemme fix mehself” kinda scenario…

So he step on plenty people toes wit’ dat one… dat fella is ah master of de 11/2 step! 

Den he make ah Cabinet de size of ah living room… 29 Ministers and Junior Ministers.. my word!  Now, ah see de reason… since Parliament eh convene, it mean dem boys wasn’t goin’ to get no pay unless dem was in ah Ministry.. now ah hope after he convene Parliament, he go cut dem Ministries and Ministers… man de amount of ministers de man have, he could open ah missionary society! 

Poor fella.. ah suppose he couldn’t dodge dat one, but here again, de music goin’ one way, he goin’ anodder…. den he say he go pay back Public Servants dey salary increases with backpay in November (TT$1.2 Billion)… Ahem! De las’ setta people who look at de economy say mash brakes on sharin’ de loot, because we on ah knifedge, an’ brudder, yuh know what does happen when yuh slip on ah knife?! …..

Yuh mean to say he couldn’t go for half dis year and half nex’ year? People wondering if he shouldn’t let de partner lead on dis one, but he adamant dat he know de routine…. he t’ink he is ah Fred Astaire!  He better be careful, because when music over, yuh know de dancin’ have to stop!

Ah go deal wit’ Manday (I is not de Oposition Leader!) nex’ week….. what ah pitiful sight!

After much observation, I have found sure signs of ….
HOW TO RECOGNISE A TRINI ON HOLIDAY ABROAD.....

DEY……

…wearin’ clothes dey wouldn’t dare wear at home, because people go laugh dem to scorn! (de purple socks an’ white sneakers!)…..

…does buy de “industrial size” bottle of shampoo (by de time it half way through, de expiration date gone!) 

...all over de flea market (oh goooooddddd! Girl, look how cheap dis ting is…. dey does dig out yuh eye in Trinidad!) 

…does buy t’ing dey cyah use here… but it cheap, so dey cyah let it pass! (at what temperature yuh putin’ on shin-high boots and leather jacket?!) 

…doh understan’ how de train leave already…(“Ah only 5 minutes late!”)

…does always fin’ de food eh “season” or “smellin’ fresh” ("like dey never hear ‘bout lime or what?!") 

…doh understan’ why people does stan’ up so long in ah line ("dey eh know nobody in de back or what?") 

…wouldn’t hear NOT to take pictures in de airport (“How else ah go remember how Johnny look?!”)

…does get ah accent as soon as dey have to talk to ah store clerk! 

…does come wit’ five suitcase, one inside de odder!

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Dat’s all for dis week folks…remember any queries, questions, comments, hail outs etc… jus’ write to we anchorman Cobra at ttcobra1@hotmail.com an’ we go get back to yuh… Take care care, alyuh, ah gone…. Peace…..  Is trouble! ..In Arima…. Is trouble!.. If dey touch me… Is trouble!… Is manslaughter…! (Kitchener…background music)