ROAD HOGS....?

Now  ah know about dis t’ing dey call “road rage” an’ how man get shoot in de US an’ all kinda t’ing…  Why dey cyah be like we boy.. jus’ blow yuh horn,  cuss off de crapaud-face man about he mudder, nennen, tantie, etc… an’ den floor de gas pedal leaving de fool in de dus’, while t’inkin’ of ah painful way to stop his type from breeding further…

But apparently we have ah special kind ah road rage here or we move to Beirut… because dis week two SUV (Some Unusual Vehicles) lan’ up on de Port o Spain docks.. two Lincoln Navigators wit’ smoke emitters, bulletproof glass, heavy tints, armoured underside (for bombs), gun holster etc.. 

De fellas claim dem is FAMILY vehicles…  Now is either your family in de mafia or de driving in Trinidad really, really gone t’rough!  What yuh expeck people to do to yuh when yuh drivin’ ….. fire ah missile launcher?!   Of course de Customs hol’ de vehicles, so now dey gone to lawyer to get dem release because it eh have no law that prohibits the importation of such vehicles (apparently dey belong to some tycoons, who had reason to fear for dey life…).  

Now to be honest, I believe dem fellas just out to coast, because it only have dem two vehicles in de country, so if any crime happen wit’ dem, it eh have no setta question to ask.. it could only be dem involved.

So yes, it eh have no legal or maybe even security barrier to prevent importation of de vehicles.  Now leh me extend dis further… nex’ month two more vehicles roll off de docks wit’ turbo chargers and set up for machine gun… den ah nex’ two come wit’ set ups for assault rifles, den men start to put grenade launchers on dey vehicles…. when will it end?  Who goin’ to stop dem?  What is sauce for de goose, is damn well good gravy for de gander, eh? 

Of course we criminal and drug boys go start wit’ dey fleet of bulletproof glass an’ is all hell break loose after dat.   Of course de law is deficient in dis case, but ah mean… dis is de same t’ing ah always complainin’ about.. you want somet’ing regardless of de consequences dong de road for society… politicians good at dat… leh meh fix up meh frens wit’ contract, regardless of whether dey does do good work or not.. is de country an’ taxpayers to ketch.. at least MY boys fix up!  

So ah fin’ it kinda stupid to insist dat yuh vehicles mus’ come as is… jus’ remove all dat nonsense an’ bring in de SUVs nah man…. yuh go go to court for dat?  Yuh really NEED all dem bells an’ whistles on de machines…?  

Now ah hear one ah dem say dey was bringin’ it in to sell it to de police, den dey say dey didn’t know it had all dem “extras” on it (yeah, ah-hah..), den dey say dey go sen’ it back if government pay de duties for dem….. ole talk, ole talk, ole talk…..

Anyway alyuh know wey de Cobra stan’ on dis…. if dey let dem come through, ah goin’ to buy ah pair of jeans wit’ two grenades in side holsters attached to de pants….. when dey tell meh ah cyah come through ah go tell dem, is so ah buy de jeans!  Is ah style!

MORE TALES OF WEST INDIAN (K)NIGHTS..... the saga continues...

In days of yore, there lived a select party of  knights known as the Knights of the West Indian Pride.  Gallant fellows they were also…. they consorted with the beautiful maidens, the envy of  the Cricketing Kingdom.   The leader of the Knights had an especial fondness for a lively nymph known as Victory.  

Ah, how knights of other confederations groaned inwardly and sometimes with loud cries of longing as the West Indians strode by.  Victory attended the captain and her train included such pure and spotless attendants such as Discipline, Dedication, Determination, Excellence and others of such noble blood.  

The other knights of the Cricketing Kingdom had to be content with the sour and dour maidens of uncertain virtue: Humiliation, Defeat, Envy and others of her ilk, the best of the lot being the plain and homely Draw.  

But alas, the West Indian Knights grew proud and their administration lax……they failed to realise that the knights of the Golden Era were ageing and that their sons should have been trained to carry on their proud tradition.  

“Nay”, they said, “Always Victory and her consorts will be ours.  Ay, look, we may even flirt with others such as Partying and Lime and yet she will remain faithful”.  

So did they according to their passions.  Victory, realising that she didn't want to be  treated with scorn and decision,  begat an uncertain nature.  At times she stood faithfully and endured, at other times she would vanish, returning verily though to the head knight whom she embraced.  And so it continued… but at last overcome…Victory perished in grief, but not before commending her dear relative Winning to the sons of  the West Indian Knights.  

However the sons were nothing like their forefathers…. in fact, their ancestors aware of their errors bespoke the young knights to take into their bosoms the lovely and wholesome attendants of Winning…. the elegant and goddess like ladies named Hard Work, Planning, Intelligence and  Resoluteness. 

But the young Turks would have none of it.  “Are we not cut from the same cloth as our fathers?” Are not our armouries new and shiny?  What need have we of practice sessions and other such follies?!” 

So they proceeded unto a life of wantonness and slackness.. and the administration let them.  “Who shall we replace them with?”  became their sorrowing cry when the behaviour of their charges was reported to them.  They wrung their hands in despair.  

Winning, being of sterner stock than Victory, immediately left with her entourage.  But yet the knights forsook not their idle ways.  They fraternised and frolicked with Indiscipline, Inapplication, Stubborness, Frivolity and  other cheap and wanton women.  They became inebriated in the company of Losing; they longed for her drab and unattractive form, they craved her countenance and engaged in such disgraceful and unfitting behaviour with her,  that their forefathers smote their breasts and wept, their hearts broken over the excessive behaviour of their progeny.  

But even the advice and help of their wiser heads they scorned.  Winning and her friends were gathered into the houses of the Knights of Australia and South Africa.  Even the knight whose head they spat on formerly, and made cruel jests at his forlorn bearing, that fellow called England,  took away their  riches and left them begging ignobly at the crossroads.

The crowds that formerly attended the jousts where these knights reigned supreme, now gathered somberly and in lesser numbers at these tournaments.  The gallant games were more like funeral dirges.  Their own would sometimes turn on them and deny them succour and support.  A tale of woe indeed…who would rescue them from the pit….. would the emerging daring sons whose freshly minted armour glints menacingly in the sun be at last their saving hope?  The assembly held its breath and wondered………