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Hello Folks, dis is Cobra here wit’ de news, from Carnival City… ah doh have too much time today, so is ah shorter dan usual TNN…… meh head hot… ah restless…. yes, boy!      Rum, sweet Rum, when ah call yuh, yuh bong tuh come… Rum sweet rum… when ah call yuh,  yuh bong tuh come….! (Background music)

DOH ASK MIH TUH WUK FUH CARNIVAL......!

Remember Kitchie was tellin’ he boss in ah calypso a couple years ago

“Mister, if yuh want tuh be meh pal..
Doh ask meh tuh wuk for Carnival ..”

Well like ah True trini, Lara , we ‘cricketer extraodinaire’  suddenly ups an’ tell de West Indies he takin’ ah break from cricket wit’ immediate effect….  look nah man, ah almost spill meh drink (an’ leggo de steerin’ wheel to…!)   

Wha ‘ went on dey..?!  All de time we hear dat Lara missin’ he Carnival  an’ goin’ to ah cricket camp in Jamaica Carnival Saturday (hear nah, dat is cruelty , eh…?  Carnival ketchin’ fire in TnT an’ you  up dey wit’ one setta man in ah cricket camp….?  Dem fellas t’ink is ah robot dey dealin’ wit' or what?)   Anyway de long an’ short is, de man eh goin’, an’ de fete in he house still on  Carnival Sunday, an’ most likely he go be in Poison playin’ mas…… of course yuh could never attempt tuh comment too much because yuh never know what really goin’ on, since evrything in cricket (or anyt’ing in general), always have secret for we.   Jus’ pay yuh money tuh go to cricket, sid dong, shut up, an’ leh de Board run t’ings…..  into de ground! 

Yes, one whole Cricket Board, over the last 5 years cyah get along with de most talented player in de world, so now he gone on ah rest….   In odder countries dey have players who on drugs, who does get in trouble wit’ police,  who does beat up dey girlfren or wife, etc.  an’ dey could deal wit’ dem, keep dem on ah team, an’ get de team tuh make money… but not we! 

Brian Lara is de mos’ complicated human being devised by de Creator….. ah management team suppose tuh be able tuh make ah team stan’ up, but is like ah have tuh start callin’ de  West Indies Crippled  Board……… 

NEWS BRIEFS:

WE PLAYIN' TUH LOSE.......

Yeah, I eh say it wrong… remember TIDCO t’row 2 events las’ year (World Beat (en), Missed Universe) an’ manage tuh lose about $80 M in de process….? 

Well dey decide tuh keep dey CEO on after he contract expire an’ givin’ him ah bigger salary, perks etc…because he soooooo good….! 

No, I doh believe it either…ah man fail miserably an’ yuh payin’ him more….?  Dem fellas does treat money like ah bald man….. hair today, gone tomorrow (tell meh yuh eh fallin’ off yuh chair wit’ dat one…. !)   

Dis is ah new concept boy…, but anyway Mr. CEO, if is so, doh try an’ succeed or yuh dogs dead!  Try yuh bes’ tuh fail!

LAWYER IN COURT.......

Well dat is wey yuh expeck him tuh be, ent?  Well not dis lawyer boy… apparently de man embezzle some money from ah client, get bail, jump on ah plane an’ gone….!   Like he eh like Carnival atall….! 

Now, tell meh somet’ing… if yuh out on bail, how de hell yuh could leave de country?  I t’ought in any normal society, dat if somebody on bail, you go hand dey name an’ picture over to Immigration, so dat once dey show up in ah airport wit’ ticket, yuh jump dem, an’ charge dey tail for tryin’ tuh leave de country.. seems simple enough to me, or how about confiscatin' dey passport?….  but maybe I stupid….!

Anyway, everybody say how he was so nice, an’ he was ah good lawyer, an’ dey eh know what happen… usual ole talk…..

You ever hear of ah good lawyer…?  Dat is like sayin’ ah honest t’ief or ah quiet J’ourvert…!

DE OLE TIME DAYS.......

It  good to see dat all eh lost eh… las’ week dey had some of de typical ole time mas at de Queen’s Hall with de Pierrot Grenade, Midnight Robber, bat, fancy sailor an’ t’ing.. an’ of course dis week dey had de ex-tempo, limbo, pan kaiso final, etc.., all designed to make sure de original creativity eh die off….

Of course what ah want tuh see is dem young designers get into the mas makin’ now, because de opening batsmen an’ de middle order kinda fallin’ t’rough…. jus’ de odder day Wayne Berkely get ah stroke, yuh know… yeah man, so it good if we could get we young clothes designers tuh put dey head togedder wit’ dem mas bands an’ bring out DESIGNED, representative costumes for ah change…

Look if we come dong to bikini mas, why people go want tuh come here for…..?  Jus’ go to ah beach or one ah dem “clubs” an’  yuh easy….   So ah watchin’ an’ ah hopin’…..  dey say Carnival 2000 go be de bigges’, no doubt, but ah doh know if it go de bes’…!

CARNIVAL DOs AND DON'Ts....

Since de cobra is ah seasoned campaigner in de business, out ah de goodness ah meh heart, ah go give alyuh carnival people some advice…  If  yuh is ah tourist, listen an’ learn, if yuh eh come back here for ah few years, refresh yuh memory, if yuh missin’ out….. GRIEVE! 

DO NOT….

Attempt to “throw waist” on ah young girl wit’ ah 6' 6" ignorant boyfren'….. funeral  home close up for de season…!

Drink an’ drive….. alcohol is ah expensive t’ing, plus yuh could spill it on yuh nice clothes.

Feel dat de red-woman who smile an’ jump wit’ you in de ban’ Tuesday, go even want tuh SMELL yuh on Ash Wednesday.……ask she husband!

Stan’ up in front of dem speakers tuh “get de vibes”….  is not ah walkman an’ I eh shoutin’ at nobody after Carnival…!

Buy corn soup from ah Rastaman name “Dutty”.

Go to ah fete wit’ shoes dat have strap….. unless yuh like walkin’ barefoot (dis is not ah formal occasion…. use yuh sense l’il bit, nah….!) 

Wear white on J’ourvert morning…

Feel you is de bes’ swimmer in Maracas Bay….. we eh have time tuh look for yuh till after  Ash Wednesday! 

Argue wit’ ah drunk coconut vender because “it eh have no jelly”…..  de man obviously know how tuh use ah cutlass! (yuh could spell 'chop' an' 'planass'??)

Wear ah size “Small” costume, if yuh nickname is “T’ick T’ing”. 

DO…

 Have a good time!

Sorry to be so short alyuh, but ah have t’ings tuh do.. after de baccahnal, we go talk!  But as usual, any comments, questions, queries, ole talk etc… jus’ write to we anchorman Cobra at ttcobra1@hotmail.com     an’ we go get back to alyuh…. oh goormmm is Carnival Friday… alyuh, ah gone!   De starter gun jus’ gone off, ketch meh if alyuh could…!…….   Is Carnival, oooooooooooooie!… Is Festival, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaie (background music)

Views expressed do not reflect the opinions of KP Resorts, Ltd., it's management or staff.

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