TNN 42

 

Hello folks… (Deep voice)… Dis is TNN, back again….

 

SHIP AHOY?!

How long it does take yuh tuh get to Tobago...?   Well, about 20 mins. by plane, but if yuh go by boat, apparently more dan ah month…!   No, ah eh joking, ah boat leave here more dan ah mont’ ago, an’ eh reach yet!   Look, wat we fin’ weself in dis time….?!  

All dem Tobagonians complainin’ how service between TnT eh good, especially de businessmen, so de gov’t say, okay, let ah next ferry operate (some private people or de odder)… so ah new boat show up, take de business people dem goods an’ bus’ it on de high seas…  De owner of de ship  say de company eh pay dem what dey was suppose to, so dey anchor in international waters an’ say dey eh comin’ ashore till dey settle de money problem..   Well, dem businessmen start tuh shake like is winter in Trinidad…. man get col’ foot, hand, head…everyt’ing…

Now it so happen it have a Trini on board, so he gone wit’ de cargo.. de boat sail away, an’ now nobody eh know  wey dey gone (is plenty sea out dey, yuh know.. !) an’ de poor businessmen bawlin’ like ah chile who get dog bite…. 

But ah blame we for dis situation…. look nah man, is years now we tryin’ tuh sort out dis Tobago t’ing… alyuh talkin’ alyuh head off about Free Trade an’ all kinda stupidness an’ up tuh know, yuh cyah service ah proper connection between TnT?  

If yuh cyah handle ah lil transport problem in yuh own country, who yuh goin’ an’ trade wit’?… ah does feel tuh hit dem ah hard slap sometimes, yuh know!   Is because dey doh live in Tobago, dey eh care?!   

Nex’ t’ing, if one ah we on board, yuh couldn’t go an’ escort de boat back tuh shore...?   Oh, it had Panamanian registration… So what?!   Call de Panama gov’t, explain de situation, an’ if de gov’t eh move, take de boat in… dat is why dey does call we 3rd World…! 

If was ah American on dat ship, dat ship coulda be in Timbuktu, carryin’ more flag dan ah Carnival ban’, an’ dey was draggin’ dey tail back tuh port..   Imagine boat  anchor jus’ outside yuh country  wit ah national on board, wit’ yuh country goods, laughin’ at yuh for days, an’ now it ups an’ gone….!

Truth stranger dan fiction, an’ stupidity exceed common sense…like we eh lucky wit’ boats atall…de last one had 30M in rice from India an’ it eh reach yet after more dan 6 months..  anyway, for me ah still goin’ Tobago tuh enjoy mehself,….. but not by boat….!

 

 

MY KINGDOM FOR A DROP OF WATER....!.. !

In de ole days, dey say when ah man get t’irsty, he go give up anyt’ing tuh get ah drop of  water…. some moral about life being so important dat ah fella go give up anyt’ing to live.. anyway, ah goin’ off de point, like dem politicians…!

Yuh know we in TnT have "cultured mout" now.. we cyah drink tap water again, is BOTTLED water now... so if yuh goin’ tuh gym - have yuh bottled water, if yuh goin’ tuh work - carry yuh water, if yuh travellin’ - carry yuh water…

Now nobody ever get sick from drinkin’ tap water.  We grow up drinkin’ tap water, we does cook wit’ tap water, but all of ah sudden we body want bottled water…. an’ yuh know what make de t’ing worse, ah big fella in WASA was on TV a few months ago, assurin’ de public dat de tap water safer dan de bottled water because  of all de purification an’ t’ing dey does do, but when’ dey ask him if he does drink bottled water, hear him "Yes!".   An’ dis fella is de PRO for WASA?!  Yuh go eat from ah man who does scorn he own food?  De fellas is head, yes !

Anyway, dey do ah study an’ dey fin’ dat de so called bottled water in some brands have bacteria in it..  in odder words, it safer tuh drink water from de canal dat runnin’ outside yuh yard…! Boy! Scandal!  One setta advertisement in newspaper from dem company sayin’ how dey water "certified clean"..  (companies, yes COMPANIES, ah say, is plenty ah dem in dis take..) 

It catch on like ah road march.. but what grin’ me like masala is dat de government say dey eh want tuh say which company because it go cause trouble in de industry (some kinda nonsense so… ah eh sure.. ).  

Now yuh ever hear wrong side reasoning (more like unreasonin’) so?   It have ah dangerous t’ing, which people payiin’ dey good money for, dey test it, find it dutty, an’ yuh go let de people drink it an’ get sick tuh protect de industry?  

So we is nothin’ den?!   Yuh eh have ah responsibility tuh we?  All ah we could dead, once de bottle water remain (who go drink it den?)..   An’ get dis, CARIRI do de tests, an’ now dey suddenly cyah find de report..!   What ah t’ing!   No copies anywhere on computer, on hard copy, nowhere…like dey only had one copy… yeah, eh-heh…. ah remember ah kaiso from years ago:

Man does get t'rough fas', fas', fas', fas' 
When money pass!

Ay, ah didn’t say money had anyt’ing tuh do wit’ it, ah jus’ singin’ meh kaiso…why alyuh so mauvais langue...?   Alyuh want tuh see me in jail for de Christmas or what?!  

So up tuh now, we eh know which company or if de water still have bacteria doin’ backstroke an’ butterfly in it..  

Not dat de Cobra worried..  de mos’ I does do is boil water an’ put it in de fridge..  I is ah savage.. but de way I see it, if man payin’ water rate an’ cyah get clean water, is time tuh fire dem people in WASA.. simple!   But until den, leh me drink meh water from meh tap..  it tastin’ good….  Take ah drink fuh dat!

 

 

EXPO? EXPO? NO EXPO....!

Year 2000 really have people stupid, yuh hear…. We decide we havin’ ah big trade expo in de Savannah (remember where DON Carlos pave de grass, an’ nearly geh he "grass" cut too.. ?), but wit’ all de controversy, dey move it to de National Stadium… 

Big, Big, t’ing!  De larges’ Expo ever..  see all TnT makes..  see foreign expos too… come one come all!   Well, it turn out to be come none!   Not ah soul, de t’ing pack up after 4 days, de business people say dey want dey money back, dey go sue.  Man come from Iraq wit’ container full ah goods... not ah sale….  Somebody even manage to t’ief some clothes from ah booth! 

Hear nah man,  ah cemetry woulda be like ah mid town disco compared tuh dat place… Ah small town jail woulda have more people dan dat!    De crowd ah does go on ah small lime wit’, bigger dan all de people who pass t’rough dey on dem 3 days…. dey even had entertainers (look nah, it had more entertainers dan patrons…!   Alyuh , look doh kill meh here….! Kyah Kyah! Kyah!) 

Dey say dey expected 200,000 people tuh pass t’rough (after doin’ no surveys tuh fin’ out de level of interest), well dey was half right, because about 200,000 people pass BY in dey cars on de highway outside de stadium… 

Now look at meh in meh face an’ tell meh ah talkin’ nonsense….  One week before Christmas is de bes’ time tuh have dat?   People shoppin’, spendin’ what dey eh have, goin’ tuh office party, bakin’, goin’ to airport tuh pick up family, cleanin’ house..  who de hell have time tuh come an’ look at trade booths? 

Maybe nex’ year dey go have it de week before Carnival, wha’ yuh t’ink?   Why, why , why, dey does do deyself dat?!    An’ here de organiser, "we have tuh investigate an' see what went wrong..."   Not what, WHO!   Doh forget de poor advertisin’ part too…..!   De only t’ing dey expose dong at de stadium was deyself ! 

 

 

JAIL FUH YUH.... AH T'INK!

Yes, tuh cap off ah spectacular week - de Police….  Dey arrest ah Venezuelan fella with 17 pounds of cocaine an’ still manage tuh let de fella go free when de matter come up in court…   How you ask…but wha' happen tuh you?  Yuh forget wey you is..? 

Anyway, it turn out dat de police for some reason write 25 lbs of cocaine (how 25 could sound like 17, an’ who weigh it..?), so de judge say dey unreliable, dey didn’t take notes during de arrest, dey shoo-shoo wit’ one anodder  before writin’ de report, an’ den dey say t’ing in court dat dey didn’t write in dey report.. So case throw out, Hasta la vista, baby!  Spanish gone.   

Now ah doh blame de Police too much, eh..  ah mean is not everyday yuh does come across $13M in cocaine an’ yuh have tuh charge man… ah mean, dat is de case of yuh life!  

Is ah simple case, like de Cobra been sayin’, we fail tuh train we policemen properly.. we doh have no firin' range fuh dem, we doh make dem take no physical fitness regularly.. it have policemen lookin’ 8 months pregnant, walkin’ de streets, no refresher courses in how to do arrests, write up reports, no training videos, no proper self defence technique (yuh doh have tuh shoot everybody!), an’ de lis’ goes on…but ah eh really want tuh get into dat now..  ah t’ink it kinda obvious.. brudder de police is de las’ line of defense before social madness..  ah word tuh de wise (wherever dem is ..) is enough…

 

NICE GESTURE….

Well dey had ah fete in de Savannah las’ weekend tuh raise money for homeless people an’ it came off quite well, ah hear… plenty people, plenty artistes… good time, not too much fight, an’ dey raise enough tuh give some families ah l’il shelter for de New Year.   So yuh see, like ah always say, we could do it.. just point people in de right direction an’ dey go go…wha yuh say?!

 

Dat’s all for dis week folks… look out for TNN Christmas edition on Christmas Adam next week (dey day before Christmas Eve.. ah shoulda be ah comedian!).  So get yuh e-copy early... only good news an’ scenes in TnT for de Christmas season, an’ same for de New Year as Cobra looks at Man (Woman of de Century) in TnT and worldwide, plus Politician of de year in various categories, philosophy of de  nex’ century etc..  

Ay, doh forget meh present, eh?!  Doh play cheap now….!  An’ buy de card or token for de cleanin’ lady an’ de papers boy, an’ de ole neighbour nex door, de bus driver, de security guards, etc..  dem is de people who need to feel ah little appreciation now an’ den..  doh wait till nex’ week, when yuh cyah see yuh way..   ah gone…..

Remember any queries, ole talk, jokes, questions, comments etc., write to we anchorman Cobra at ttcobra1@hotmail.com  Peace!


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