TNN 39

Hello folks .. (Deep voice)..this is TNN….. On de count of 4, on de count of four… jump up, jump up,…(Background music)…

WAY BEYOND THE BOUNDARY.....

Absolutely pathetic!  A disgrace!  An insult to every West Indian who ever hol’ ah bat or bowl ah ball….. Wat de hell was dem fellas t’inkin’? In fact, dey was t’inkin’ at all? 

Cable an’ Wireless offer dem US$50,000 if dey win de match, an’ dat was de bes’ dey coulda do?  But C&W smart, yuh know, dey know dey money was safe…   Look, we lose ah ONE DAY by 138 runs!  De biggest loss in history of WI One Day cricket.. an’ to ah secon’ string team…

De Pakistan captain eh even bodder tuh play.. Wasim say he injured.. yeah, ah- ha… an’ cow does bray!    De man jus’ decide he eh wastin’ he time, so he sen’ some teenagers in an’ dey beat we like snake…. we jus’ roll over an’ dead like ah semp. 

Like we team was ah football.. dey kick we up bad, everybody geh ah touch.. we captain tryin’ tuh hold de ship steady, but dem sailors insist on goin’ for de rocks…dead straight (an’ ah mean DEAD!). 

Laro watch 7 wickets fall right in front he eyes, an’ he start tuh hit out after dat…wha’ happen, happen….!   Well, yuh know wha’ happen..?   He get caught out an’ we roll up like ah Congori an’ lay dong still….

Boy, ah jus’ look at dem highlights (more like lowlights) in disbelief.. ah couldna cry, ah couldna bawl, ah couldna move…… ah jus’ in shock.. if yuh did chook me, ice woulda run out meh veins…wat tuh do.. wat tuh do… wat tuh do?  Why now, why me,  why I have tuh go to watch de funeral, meh eh no priest….

But yuh know de Cobra cyah let dis pass witout makin’ ah comment…. we need to get  ah sport psychologist back on we side.. we had one when we tear into Australia tail earlier dis year…when we come back from South africa, man say we dead, we gone…but Rudy reach, an’ nex’ t’ing yuh know, man suddenly remember how tuh bat. 

Whey Rudy now.. alyuh fin’ de man…!  An’ yuh notice ah difference between WI and Pakistan.. when dem men get ah wicket, de bowler dancin’ around, huggin’ people, screamin’, getting’ lif’ up from de team…. dem batsmen vex when dey get out, an’ dey waitin’ for de umpire tuh sen’ dem, because dey eh want tuh leave de crease…

When WI get somebody out, is ah l’il high five, a pat on de back, dey draggin’ de bat behin’ dem, dey always lookin’ at de ground when dey walk as t’ough dey fraid dey mash ants..  yes man…dey eh have no PASSION.. dat is what missin’ ..PASSION! 

Yuh have tuh want tuh win, live tuh win.. yuh blood should heat up yuh body when yuh walk on de field, walk proud, brisk and’ brave… yuh mean business….  We beat Austrailia wit’ ah weaker battin’ line up, an de Aussies is rated no.1, so we have de talent, but de will eh dey….  dat is why even if de Firs Prize is US$100,000, dey still cyah play…. so hear de Cobra an’ hear it well, get some “mind medicine” for de boys, because remember de sayin’ “when fish rotten, it does start from de head”…….

CABINET DANCE....

Yes, dis week de Prime Minister did ah government dance called de “Cabinet Shuffle”.    Ah lot ah movement, but basically yuh in de same place…. 

Check it out..   he move Nanan from Education an’ put him in Tourism… tanks, Bas, tanks, if dat man did stay dey one week more, we woulda lose ah whole generation ah school children… no maintenance in schools, at least 16 schools disrupted since de start of de term, when students start tuh beat teachers an’ dey start tuh protest, he threaten de teacher!  What ah disaster! Dey should name de next hurricane Adesh….. full ah wind an’ causin’ problems.   Now he gone tourism.. good.. let de foreigners deal with him…

Den Quiet Tongue (Kuei Tung) get both Finance and Planning.. he is ah super minister.. dis for ah man who for de third year runnin’ give ah budget where de figures eh addin’ up.. an’ come wit de same stupid excuse dat figures doh matter, people interested in trends..     No, I interested in figures.. if yuh give him half he salary next month, ah sure he go be interested in figures!  But noooo, make him Minister of Planning  too, so he could plan with trends, not figures.   Well ah Figure we go see ah downward Trend.. but dem boys smart, eh, dey have tuh be, because if we have dotish people plannin’ an’ countin’ money,  is time tuh leave.. water getting’ more dan flour….

But de most surprisin’ t’ing was Minister of Fixing dat Bas appoint…  He say when projects stall he sendin’ Mr. Fix tuh de ministry tuh clear bottleneck, find ah way around procedures, etc.., so he is ah roving Minister…  Now every Ministry doh have ah Implementation Unit, ah team of technicians an’ ah Minister…?    So if ah project stick, one or all should lose dey wuk…. ain’t dat is accountability?  Why I  mus’ sen’ in Superman tuh fix anyt’ing?    Is either yuh could do ah job, or yuh can’t…. an you could imagine ah man bussin’ in yuh office sayin’..  “look, ah hear alyuh cyah handle alyuh stories, so ah come tuh show alyuh ah form”.   Yeah, dey go real cooperate wit’ him… because yuh know if he succeed, everybody go look stupid…. but  Bas have ah plan ah sure… please Lord, let him have ah plan!