Hello folks …(Deep voice)…dis is TNN…   Jump in  town J’ourvert mornin’, ...find yuh self  in ah band… watch how de natives movin’ girl, …hug up tight wit’ ah man….  (Background Music…Tourist Elsie by  Lord  Kitchener for dose who born yesterday…)

SING(H) AH SONG.....

Well boy…. yu talk ‘bout comedy… an’ ah mean prime time material, dread.  De Commission of Inquiry into de drugman Ram dat escape from prison, decide dey need de fella Singh tuh testify so some police an’ some odder people who help in de escape eh go get off scot free… (sorry, ah forget ah in Trinidad…ah shoulda say Scotch free)…

Dey have de man under guard, he gone tuh use de toilet an’ escape t’rough ah back door.  So dem fellas stan’ up wonderin’ if de man have a sudden diarrhea or ah attack ah gastro….since he takin’ so long…   Wen de mark bus’ de man buss it on dem….

Now leh meh t’ink ‘bout dis..  dis is ah chief witness in ah drug investigation, an’ you let him go to de toilet alone… yuh eh even come tuh make sure he using de toilet..    Ah mean in University, in O’ and A’ levels exams, if yuh goin’ to de toilet, people does follow you, but not TnT police!    Dat eh soundin’ like ah set up?!   Eh?  An’ how de man know ‘bout de back entrance? 

Now he callin’ in on CELLULAR phone askin’ tuh see de PM an’ how he fraid people kill him…. so why he didn’t stay in custody…an’ oh, how he worried ‘bout harm comin’ tuh he son on de outside.. he son any safer now?  Of course de talk is he get pay off an’ he stayin’ out till de Inquiry finish, so he eh have tuh testify…

Well yuh know if was me, water couldn’t wash dem army guard… ah was postin’ dem tuh Toco, Gran Riviere or some odder far place like dat…  dey woulda see town once ah month, maybe…. dat eh slackness in de extreme….?    Now Singh an’ dem laughin’ dey belly full at  de Police/Army, dat is scandalous…… criminals OUTSMARTIN’ Police….  jus’ now we go have chilren runnin’ school or politicians givin’ account to de people… hmmmmm ….. de main man in de trial turn out to be ah Weakness for The State……

HEAT IN DE PLACE.....

Yuh know dese days hot in TnT, so if yuh go dong San Fernando an’ yuh see firemen in ah tent outside de fire station yuh go ask if dey coolin’ dong..? Well no, eh… de tent is de Fire Headquarters!

Now ask me dis, how ah buildin’ could reach ah state where man sleeping out in de open like vagrant because dey fraid tuh sleep in the station.    An’ if yuh see de state of de station…look nah, like termite had ah fete inside dey….  It have board dey dat older dan de firemen…. yuh have tuh walk careful an’ make yuh peace wit’ de Maker, because any step could be yuh las’…. ah hear men does be happy wen it have fire, because it mean dey could leave de Fire Station…

Yuh could imagine firemen (sorry, firefighters… we have some capable woman in dey now..) stayin’ in ah buildin’ dat eh go pass fire inspection.    Ah sure de insurance company who insure dat buildin’ mus’ be gone out ah existence.  Dey decide tuh move to ah nex’ fire station, de people dem say, none ah dat…dis eh no hotel, dat go make de place too cramp up…  

De Minister of (IN)Security say dey go rennovate ah nex’  buildin’ for dem in de meantime…. ay boy, water more dan flour…river come dong…look trouble..!   Ent jus’ las’ week ah say, everyt’ing mus’ reach crisis before we act, hospital, school, police, now fire service… but at least we seein’ consistency eh…all ah dem failin’ at de same time…

GOOD NEWS.....

Ah know how some ah alyuh go say dat ah doh give any good news atall so before alyuh start runnin’ alyuh mout, leh meh check out ah few ah de t’ings dis week gone….

Some police people help ah lady deliver ah chile in de station after de hospital sen’ she home an’ tell she she eh ready yet… well apparently de chile was ready.. Yes man, dem fellas perform well… to Protect and Serve.. dey protect she from de hospital ole mas an’ perform ah mid wife service at de same time…   gih dem ah clap fuh dat…

In ah nex’  situation, dey finally pass de Marriage Bill for de Orisha people dem..  now any ceremony dat dey do is recognised as ah legal marriage..   Yuh know ah doh believe dey now pass dat piece ah law… yuh could believe dat?    For thousands ah years de people getting’ married and is only NOW we recognise dem as valid marriage...?   If it wasn’t so sad it woulda be funny.  But better late dan never, ah suppose……

An’ check dis out.. some of de money makin’ industries owned by de government (yes, it have ah couple, believe it or not)… dey goin' an form some kind ah company wit’ dem an’ put dem on de stock market so people could buy into de companies… now dat is ah good idea, because if ah own ah l’il piece of ah company ah go make sure ah lan’ in de Annual General Meetin’ an’ make mehself heard if ah fin’ dey doing stupidness…. ah eh have no money, so ah eh playin’ wit’ de little bit ah have….  Ah only hope de l’il man get ah chance tuh buy shares, an’ all dem rich boys eh run in an’ take over… ah fin’ dey should have ah provision for dat, odderwise it go be de same ol’ khaki pants if  dey allow all dey friens tuh buy up we local companies… is my country, lemme own somet’ing in it, nah….

An’ believe it or not TSTT make ah big profit…buh how yuh mean….?   Over $350 million in PROFIT…. but wit’ de price of dey overseas call ah eh too surprise, eh….. hear nah man, wen ah see dem bills so, ah realise it woulda be cheaper tuh fly dey an’ see de person….. an’ on top ah dat dey had tuh do ah rescue job at de famous Airport Expansion Project…de only t’ings dat really expandin’ is de time dey takin’ tuh finish it  an’ de budget..  but to spice up de t’ing dey decide tuh bus’ ah fiber optic cable dat de airport usiin’….  Well boy, all dem plane systems gone dong…. either de fellas who was diggin’ didn’t have ah plan ah de wirin’ in de area (WHY?!) or read de plan upside dong…   People pile up like fly on dead dog in de airport… flight cyah get confirm, air traffic control cyah handle communication for plane comin’ in, so pilot have tuh stick de head outside de plane window tuh make sure it eh have no plane in de area, an’ if dey comin’ in in de night, dey have tuh shine ah torchlight so dem odder plane could see dem an’ eh kiss up in de air (okay, ah exagerratin’ ah l’il bit, but oh gorm……ah is ah Trini…). Anyway, TSTT people come an’ fix up de t’ing quick man, so BWIA could leave late on time again…  good job… yuh see, we could pull t’rough yuh know, all we need is proper management…dat is why ah still livin’ here… ah believe in meh people… ah know we could do it, but wen dey do nonsense yuh have tuh be dere tuh pelt ah clout behin’ dey head tuh keep dem focus…not so?

So yuh see de Cobra give alyuh some good news, eh…. so nex’ week wen ah come back wit’ meh venom, ah eh want tuh hear no stupid talk…… ah warnin alyuh….