TNN 16
"Ay Cobra, ah eh see yuh for ah couple weeks…ah say yuh fire de wuk…where yuh was..?"
"Am...... try an’ doh ask meh meh business nah....."
"Buh yuh eh have tuh be antisocial, breds, ah jus ask......."
"Ah hear yuh de firs time... an’ de answer is de same: I suppose to collect news , not you....."
"Alright pardner…so how was de cricket ?"
"Ahhhhh, now yuh talkin’.... boy ah had ah good time, ah see people ah eh see in years, good food, ah make frens wit de fella an’ he wife nex’ tuh meh, jump an’ wave l’il bit, it had a rhythm section by we... boy..."
"Well hear nuh, yuh kinda wearin’ out meh ears, ah jus’ ask how it was, ah didn’t ask fuh de hist'ry of West Indies cricket…."
"Doh be farse, girl, look nuh...."
"15 secs. to news broadcast…"
"Oho, yuh get away...."
Hello folks...... (deep voice)....... dis is TNN......
If yuh cyah run de country den call in Kirpalani.......... (background music)....
POT CALLIN' DE KETTLE......
Well boy, dis one take de cake... de Energy Minister suing de Opposition Leader (Papatrick Manning) for $2M dollars.
Manday, ah did tell alyuh, say how somebody try ah bribe t’ing wit’ de foreign consultants (de people dey did bring in tuh turn around WASA) an’ because dey eh get t’rough, dey fire de consultants.... De Minister jump up and file ah writ claiming dat Manday damage he reputation...
Now it have two tings strange about dis situation
(i) somebody take Papatrick serious;
(ii) an’ dis is what make meh laugh....... yuh could damage ah politician good name?
Yuh cyah damage what yuh eh have.....! Dat is ah clear no case submission or it go jus’ geh throw out de court for lack ah evidence... dey shoulda charge dey tail for wastin’ de court time......
Hear nah, dem fellas have tuh be livin’ in Dreamland... dat is like ah lawyer suin’ ah man for callin’ him ah liar... lawyers an’ truth is distant cousins (at best)!
Jus’ now dey go charge TNN, boy.... ah better watch how ah steppin.... Buh me eh care, if dey sue meh I eh have no money or "assets" tuh give dem.... I poor an’ polite.....
A LOVELY DAY FOR CRICKET
Of course alyuh know we draw de Test Series wit Australia, which was good, eh, but we coulda win dat las’ Test man.... we lapse little bit.
Buh after South Africa beat we like l’il chilren, it feel good tuh beat somebody, an’ de bes’ team in de worl’ at dat. Doh watch we slight, we bad! Now on to de One Day Series, an’ ah have one question about dat match Sunday.....WHAT DE HELLLLL WAS DAT?!!
Ah still cyah believe it..... alyuh, how we manage tuh lose da’ match? Eh?! How we manage to snatch defeat from de jaws of victory?
Yuh cyah score 190 runs in 50 overs? Ah mean, if we did win we woulda be 3-1 up and we coulda afford tuh lose two match an’ den win de las’ one and win de series.... we coulda even rest poor Brian who han’ mash up, and give Uncle Walsh and Curtly ah res’ for de World Cup..... but nah, dat woulda be too easy... life mus’ be hard, ent? An’ if it eh hard, we go make it so... we is born sufferers.... dat is we destiny, not so?!
We decide to run weself out not one, not twice, but three times, an’ of course Carl "if alyuh cyah out meh, ah go out mehself " Hooper contrive (yes ah have tuh use ah big word) to be involve in 2 ah dem.
Conspiracy theories all over de place (yuh know how Trinis never know, but dey always sure......); people say Carl Hooper wife is Australian so he had to throw de match; ...how de the WI board have tuh make sure people come tuh de nex’ match so dey had tuh lose; ....how money pass..... all kinda t’ing.
People jus’ cyah believe dem fellas crack like ol’ plum branch, dread...... an’ what get meh, like dey eh have no conscience boy...... Lara hand sick, Perry mash up he fingernail goin’ after ah ball, an’ because dem fellas skylark up front, dem injured fellas still had tuh come back an’ bat for de side.... how yuh go do ah brudder dat...... eh?
Ah did go dong to de Oval Saturday wit ah posse an’ ah real enjoy meself, but like because ah eh go Sunday, dem fellas decide de Cobra eh around so dey could free up....... ah hope dey know WI crowd does change like de weather...... if yuh win, yuh is dey "doo-doo darling ", buh once yuh lose like de calypso say..."ah dog is better dan you"...... ah word to de wise is sufficient!
POLICE AND TIEF........
Remember when we was small we use tuh play ah game call "Police and Thief" an’ de t’ief use tuh have tuh run from de police...?
Well dat was really ah game because t’ings change roun’...... No, ah not jokin’... dis one really happen this week....... bandits walk in de Ol’ Central Police Station, rob ah officer of he gun an’ den rob de canteen owner of money an’ some cheques (dem fellas eh too smart.... how yuh go cash dem cheques?).
Yeah, boy, even de Police eh safe now..... but yuh believe dey only had one policeman in de station, so yuh know if anything happen, say he have tuh arrest ah fella or something..... he eh have no back up. He go have tuh walk to de scene (Yuh know dem police never have car.... dey too busy dropping dey woman an’ chilren tuh school an’ wherever else... doh tell meh ah lie, man, ah does see dem wit’ meh own two eyes....!), arrest de fella bring him in, lock him up, an’ write de report all by heself.... Now suppose is more dan one person involve... what he go do den, eh? But dis is de state ah we "Boys in Grey".
Now how yuh expeck me tuh feel safe when bandits lickin’ up police an’ all...? People sayin’ dat the "Protect and Serve" mean Protect (yuhself) and Serve (yuh own interests)......
WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS NOW, IS LOVE.............. (Old Song.......)
Ah sorry tuh end on dis serious note but is time ah say somet’ing...
Monday ah Regiment guard at de Prime Minister residence shoot de retired commander of de Coast Guard, shoot ah secretary he was havin’ ah affair wit’ (because she break it off, an’ he was married on top ah dat...) an’ den shoot heself too.
De woman still alive, but de two fellas dead. Now dat is de eighth person dat dead for de year in dis setta murder/suicide t’ing. Dat is more dan one every two weeks... an’ it have 52 weeks in ah year!
Papatrick of course talk an’ say nuthin... talkin’ about the question needs to be raised about how safe de PM is an’ all kinda nonsense... dis is not about security, man....... Papatrick have ah knack for missin’ de issue... dat man go miss he birt’day or shoot an’ miss de Red House (from inside!) if yuh give him ah chance......
An every case is de same t’ing... ah little affair goin’ on, de woman break it off or de fella get ah horn an’ he kill everybody. Fellas, ease off nah.. dat eh de way tuh go... as Explainer sing years ago "...We jus’ cyah go on dis way....".
An’ was some young fellas too... one was 47 an’ de odder one was 34. Ah mean yuh go end yuh life for dat man..... is real violence dong dis side people... about 58 people get kill on de road already for the year, again more dan one every 2 days.... pedal to de metal..... drive fas’, crash quick.... people drivin’ like dey have four legs instead ah two....
We have tuh stop de violence, folks... what kinda example we settin’ for de young people, man? An’ it start at de top.... nuff cases of domestic violence. Even de famous Minister "Gunraj"(ah doh beat meh wife.... well, ah slap she once) Singh in line.
Yuh remember how he show off he gun an’ threatenin’ people because he is de "Sheriff", an’ Marshal "Manday" eh want tuh discipline de man atall, atall.…? Just las’ week Sheriff Singh close dong ah local council, an’ sen’ Muslimeen (remember dem fellas) to occupy de office for an hour an’ ah half, ransack de place, ring an’ threaten de chairman, cuss off two other law abidin’ citizens an’ de PM say he is ah good Minister an’ congratulatin’ him on de good job he doin’....
Alyuh remember dat de same Manday "... declare war on de media.... " an’ tell he supporters to "do dem before dey do us..."..., yeah, more "guntalk" again...
An’ for de grand finale, two years ago ah junior Minister had a little stiff wit’ ah senior police officer..... de officer stop de man for drivin’ on de shoulder, an’ de man ask "Do you know who I am?"... de policeman say he eh really care who he was, and nex’ t’ing.... BOW! Slap in de police face for stoppin’ him... an’ den dey send de POLICEMAN on leave.... yeah, ..
Dey leadin’ from in front, so what yuh expect de rest ah we stupidees tuh do....? Now dey want tuh play dey sorry an’ dey eh know why de society so violent...... monkey cyah see de length ah he own tail.... Hear nah, sen’ de message out loud an’ clear... STOP THE VIOLENCE! SPREAD THE PEACE...
Dat is it for now peoples... ah gone... till nex’ week... hol’ it dong...... All ah we is one familllllyyy! (Background music)......
Any comments on TNN, send to ttcobra1@hotmail.com
Views expressed do not reflect the opinions of KP Resorts, Ltd, it's management or staff.