TNN 115

Jumpstation: Between a rock an' ah hard place; Stretching the truth; Union-ted we stand; South African diamonds; Valentine's Day lines to avoid.

Which could be the heads of our two erstwhile leaders right now....! Apparently being elected generates a certain paranoia an' ah clear break wit' reality.. man who was reasonable and quite does suddenly see poison in every cup dey drink from..... Leh we take a look at de situation...startin' wit' PM Pathos....

In de past 2 months, de man has made more blunders dan he did in the year he was appointed by de President.....what ah mean....?  Well havin' put he wife as Education Minister, he proceeded to put as Security Minister, ah night club business man over ah young elected lawyer (Masters in Law, mind you!), former police and police trainer and former Jnr. Minister.....sayin' dat de fella needed to apprentice a little longer, offering him ah Junior Post in national Security...not quite sure what apprenticeship de unelected businessman went t'rough.....

Den of course he indicated durin' de doctors strike that jnr. doctors could be promoted if senior doctors left, so in effect the strike may actually allow for de mobility of jnr doctors to Snrs. an' specialists....posts which apparently are not related to their experience or qualifications....

When faced wit' increased kidnappings an' increase in murder an' violent crimes, he say dat it may have been due to political factors...de increase was being deliberately brought about to make de government look bad! Well, dey did ah damn good job, I can assure you...!

When he was on de hustings, yuh boy faithfully promised to institute constitutional reform to cure many of de ills of the present system.. now de Opposition callin' for committees to be set up, etc....he backin' away..no comforting noises from dat quarter....

For the post of President, he swear dat he an' de Opposition Leader goin' to talk over de nominees, so it would not be seen as a political nomination, he call de day before de final nomination day an' say he too busy.....to discuss election to de highest post in de lan'! Did I mention he call de fella he nominate de same day an' den rush de nominations papers over, so he could sign it.....an' yuh runnin' ah country?

An' yuh t'ink he done..? NO! He say he had ah Cabinet meeting an' dey have come up wit' ah comprehensive crime plan (no, de plan is not ah crime...is to deter crime..!), make big announcement..  Two days later somebody ask de Commissioner of Police if he know about de plan, de man say dey never call him to discuss anyt'ing...  Now he is supposed to be de HEAD of the Police, yuh doh t'ink yuh coulda ask him for ideas or bring him in near de end to get he input as to whether dis plan could work....nooooooo...dat never occurred to he!


Well, you say, anything is better dan dat...not so fas'..! Consider de now Opposition Leader, de venerable Baso...

"De government has links wit' Al Queda terrorists.. everybody knows dat....." Are we supposed to comment on dat..? Have you gone to the Police or anybody wit' dese "sure" links dat yuh have? WHY would Al Queda have even ah paasin' interest in Trinidad....to hurt American interests.....aren't there more American interests in the UK or...hmm America?

'If de government does not engage in Constitutional Reform, we will engage in civil disobedience and grind the country to a halt.." Didn't you previously have 6 years to do that reform process?

"De government is creating a situation for civil unrest...an' de young people will not hesitate to resort to violence to achieve their aims..." Who precisely is he talking about?

"The office of the President is being politicized"....having in your term of office appointed a sitting MP to the post!

"The present system is operated as a political dictatorship.. the Westminster system is not suitable for multi ethnic societies such as ours..... what we are seeing here is an executive DICTATORSHIP"..... Funny you didn't have a problem wit' de system when you were in power....

The Health care system of the country was just shut down for a period of more than 33 days....doctors trained at the hands of taxpayers were refusing to look after patients, not because of bad equipment, working conditions, frustration at the level of health care being offered, but because of remuneration packages...patients were sent to private clinics where the same doctors looked after them and charged the government for doing so....  Does Bas attempt to suggest ways to address the impasse...? Nooooo.. "I support the doctors..." No reasons given.....

"You must refuse to pay taxes...no taxation without representation" ..no doubt he is willing to pay the fines such persons will incur or visit dem in jail!

Ladies and gentlemen...I rest my case......

STRETCHING THE TRUTH...

Well, we had ah rather interestin' meeting of de Senate a couple weeks ago.... our Minister of Public Utilites, known as "Stretch" for he height was asked to answer 3 questions since about the 10th December last year..... 3 l'il bits of info. the Opposition wanted.. What was de contracts awarded to certain top officials at de Water and Sewerage Authorities (WASA).

Well de two weeks allotted to answer de questions "stretch" to nearly two months!  Apparently nobody know how to go to ah filing cabinet, pull some files mark "Contracts" and extract them... SIX weeks pass until even de Independent Senators decide no more time for him to answer...dey want ah answer now!  De man twist, he turn, he say de information detailed, all kinda t'ing.. finally de President of de Senate feel sorry for him, buff him an' tell him be sure an' have de information next time, while voting to let him off de hook an' breakin' ah deadlock, because everybody, except de ruling party Senators, vote to give him no more time.... is ah good t'ing he wit' WASA, because he nearly pee he pants!

Ay-ay.. de same information he had sooooo much trouble gettin' was published by a daily newspaper de nex' day.... apparently journalists have more power dan ah Minister to get info from he own government agency.. what ah t'ing..!  Well is when de mark bus' we realise while "Stretch" was twistin' like ah l'il boy in he shoes.....de top man was drawin' salary and perks close to one million dollars ah year, includin' havin' ah car up to $450,000 in value, unlimited entertainment allowance, free gas, $5,000 a month housing and $150,000 a year gratuity......among other t'ings!

Boy, yuh coulda knock meh dong wit' ah feather! What de HELL he was doin' so? Of course PM Pathos had ah ready answer...we have to pay well to guarantee dat we get de bes' workers for dese important jobs he say...  Well Pathos salary is $25,000 ah month an' de jefe is $50,000....t'ink about de difference in jobs an' den t'ink about Pathos' statement.. feet (up to meh knee!) in mouth disease again..!

Dis present chairman is ah fella wit' WASA donkey years now, de private sector eh beg for him, suddenly de man worth close to ah million dollars ah year?!..... You know what nearly hit de fan? To cap it off, dey suddenly discover dat de man was being paid dat salary and it had not gotten proper approvals!  Nice, man.. after one year yuh NOW discover dat?! Fire de board an' de Minister...! Yesterday! Dat is ridiculous!

So on Jan 15th, dey rush quick an' put he salary down to $37,000 and remove some perks, so by de time "Stretcho" reach back to de Senate to give he report, sonny boy salary had been considerably reduced.....  Now if dat eh scampishness, what is....?   If yuh see yuh boy "Stretch" look small after dat series of incidents....which only goes to show why WASA is also in charge of disposal of sewage!

UNION-ted WE STAND.....

Take my word for it.. if yuh stand by unions in TnT, yuh standin' on quick sand.. at best...! We just had ah series of layoffs at BWIA (over 600 workers).....CARONI nex' in line... sugar ent as sweet as it use to be!  CARIB jus' cut some workers....... an' if WASA eh look lively, dey go fin' deyself cut too....

Well, if yuh hear de Unions, some say not ah man mus' go, others say de government being political, anodder set say dey have ah plan how de industry could survive...one setta noise....union members wonderin' if we have so much money, how come people goin' home still.......

What unions fail to realise is dat we have emerged from de 19th Century!....yuh cannot expect t'ings to remain de same forever...  Now ah not sayin' dat some employers, rather dan risk losin' ah cent less profit, would willingly sen' people home, eh.. it have some nastinesses out dey, but leh we look at facts....United Airlines in de US file for bankruptcy as has SWISSAIR; Delta layin' off 25% of dey workers, as is AA and British Airways..... what make BWIA so special....?  Maybe de fact dat we have lost billions of dollars tryin' to keep it airborne!  Long after de shareholders devise ah plan to make de airline profitable, de workers now sayin' dat dey have ah plan... wey was de Union all de time?  Why dey didn't share dis plan wit' de employers? No, dey had workers feeling dat gov't go constantly spen' hundreds of millions of dollars ah year forever to keep EVERYBODY until dey retire, an' den hire dey chilren!

CARONI losin' $400M ah year, dey have ah debt of $2 Billion which dey ran up over de last 6 years..... Unions cyah understand why de company have to restructure... Who payin' dis debt brudder?

WASA is as efficient as ah flyin' donkey, but is big protest because dey HEAR dey intend to send home some daily paid workers...  As far as CARIB goes, once technology develops, normally yuh need less workers.... not ah Union has told workers, "Boy, do ah l'il course part time, improve yuh skills, keep checking around to see if yuh could work elsewhere, have ah contingency plan in case t'ings go wrong and provide dem wit' ways to invest dey money, form cooperatives, develop small business with group skills...." NOTHING!

In odder words, keep de same way you is, an' if dey try to fire yuh, we go strike... sum total of union strategy..... Is it any wonder dey becoming irrelevant....? Dey suppose to help people develop, adjust, change, provide opportunities, some progressive unions even give workers ah decreasin' salary for a couple months after they get retrenched, while tryin' to help dem fin' jobs, etc...we union leaders eh see life t'rough dem lenses yet....

Now ah agree dat government should also be lookin' to expand de economy, provide incentives, create some jobs, but brudder, dey is not yuh mother an' father, you have to do somet'ing too....but yuh know, ah never see ah unemployed or struggling union leader yet...maybe all workers should try to be union leaders, because apparently dem job safe....!

SOUTH AFRICAN DIAMONDS....

Yeah man, yuh know de Cricket World Cup on de African continent dis rounds.....an' we start of de pilgrimage wit' ah match against de no. 2 ranked team in de Worl'..South Africa, in South Africca....! Ah tell meh frens...look, we could win, eh, but we must score plenty runs, because we eh have de bowlers to take out dem fellas.....well, like West Inide eh listen...de firs' two wickets gone for 7 runs...everybody wit' weak heart start to call dey doctor......!

Den alomg came .B.C. Lara to de crease wit' steady Chanderpaul (Chanders)...slowly dey start to build back de innings...Lara jus' jumpin' around in he crease, not lookin' to dangerous (in fact de firs' ball he face, he sen' ah catch, but it was ah hard one to get an' he live to fight anodder day...!).....suddenly is like he realise dat t'ings eh lookin' good...man, de fella open de face of de bat for dem.....klatoks! Wadap! Chung! Waps! As de ball come, it going back faster...S. Africa start to panic, an' de more dey panic is de more blows dey get! De man bat was like ah dagger to dey heart! He bloody de bowlers.....dem fellas had to get blood transfusions! He make he century, pass it an' gone on..meanwhile Chanders dey wit' him, scoring steady.......
Den Chanders out...captain Hooper reach in..an' after ah slow start, start to execute strokes..he perish, but Lara still goin......till 116, against one of de best bowlin' attacks in de worl'..! As he out young Sarwan and Powell come in an' just voop all round de ground....final total 279 of de 50 overs...
Wen S. Africa reach, jus' like ah predicted, dey start to le-le we bowlers...like every other ball was 4 runs.....! we couldn't stop it..we put dem on ah slide wit' some quick wickets, but den Lance Klusener...a good name, Lance...because ...he pierce de WI bowlin' attack...he deposit ball all in de crowd...like he was playin' ketch wit' de spectators.....de match slippin' away..dong to de las' over....Lance voop once to often an' get caught, an' nex' t'ing yuh know match change round....we scrape home by 3 runs!

South Africa famous for its diamond, but ah tell yuh de only t'ing sparkling on dat day was good "dong to de las' ball" cricket! Like we t'ief dey family jewels Sunday...! But it have ah long way to go yet!..Ah go keep alyuh posted..is one month of action we have to go t'rough, yuh know...!


Ah know is Valentin's Day comin' up ..an' some fellas feel dey have to try to impress dey woman, or if dey doh have one to try out some lines to get one! Ah have ah piece of advice for alyuh...AVOID at all costs, de following lines..it will ruin yuh relationship or ensure dat one never start......!
So without further ado....

VALENTINE'S DAY LINES TO AVOID....

Leh we go for dinner tonite, nah sweetness... KFC have ah special on today......! (no points..!)

Girl yuh lookin' like condense' milk... sweet an' t'ick...! (duck an' keep runnin'..!)

Yuh does come here often, ent.....? Ah sure is you ah see last week.....yuh had on de same dress...! (Ouch!)

Roses are red, violets are blue.. honey is sweet, but not as sweet as you...! (very tacky..!)

Is ah nice night, leh we go for ah drive......yuh have money for gas...? (good....if yuh intend to stay single...!)

Ah plan ah good dinner for we tonite...if yuh see what meh mudder cook...! (yuh jokin'...right?!)

Yuh doh min' if meh sister drive....is she car, an' she eh like to len' it out..... (ah hope yuh enjoy cable tv!)

Yuh eh fin' dat girl lookin' good in dat spandex...? Oh Lorrrddddd! She sweet boy..! (are you a masochist?)

Yuh remin' meh of meh las' girlfriend.... but she was slim.....! (you have added ah new dimension to de term "damn fool"!)

Ah had to go for ah heart operation, but when dey check, dey discover ah didn't have one... ah told dem dat was because you had it.... (COBRA'S LYRICS! Try it...! Yuh go knock dem dead! Yessssss, boy! Gimme five.. in fact, make dat 10! Aaahhhhhhh! ) :)

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Dat’s all for dis week folks…remember any queries, questions, comments, hail outs etc…jus’ write to we anchorman Cobra at ttcobra1@hotmail.com an’ we go get back to yuh… Take care care, alyuh, ah gone…. Peace….. And I make music...yes.. sweet music..... ….. ….….(background music, Ras Shorty I)