TNN 111

Hello folks…an’ welcome again to we broadcast…(deep voice)…This Is TNN…… Hark Ah diigin’ horrors..ah diggin’ de blues…anytime I choose to peruse de daily news…..all ah read about is murderers, more laws and wars……! ….. (background music, Ah diggin Horrors….Sparrow)

Jumpstation: Budget-ing; Back to basics; Spin-ning top in mud; Yuh know yuh not in Trinbago if...

De Official Cobra Travelogue- USA
Back to the East.

Well, dey jus’ read ah budget Monday gone… interestin’ document from PM Pathos... it was about 2 and ah half hours long. 

In summary what he say was de government sprucing up basic health care, employment training and education and outline some measures whereby de government intend to do so....some talk also about economic diversification… is more of de first phase of a process (which is what a budget should be…) towards a particular end…

My chief concerns is that some of them social assistance programs could become free-bees, an’ man go decide “Why work if dey helpin’ meh", rather than “Ah boy, at least ah could eat, lemme find ah wuk to make sure ah could live..”.   So I woulda like to hear that after 6 months, yuh allowance cut, after ah next 3 months it cut again and after that it cut again after de nex’ 3 months (somet’ing like de US), so unless yuh unable to work because of disabilities, yuh better find something to do..it have enough government training programs to develop ah skill within one year and start to fend for yuhself!

Meh nex’ concern is dat the oil price might not hold, dependent on how t’ings pan out in the eastern worl’….an’ finally, it have some great ideas like free health care for the elderly and poor, free medication for senior citizens which they can pick up at the nearest pharmacy, etc..

Ah hope we systems in de Public Service and de PEOPLE cater for de increased efficiency needed….. .yuh cyah continue wit’ 'yuh come when yuh want, leave when yuh want', take 2 hr lunch and expect de public to get de relevant service.  So ah waitin’ to see how it pan out….will keep alyuh informed and entertained.

BACK TO BASICS...

By de way….. ah have ah l’il complaint to make so far about de present Opposition…try an’ grow up l’il bit nah! …for Independence Day parade and celebration, none of dem show up….dey vex!

Dey call ah election (like yuh was callin’ for all de time), yuh loose two more seats… oh, de government use money to “buy” voters an’ “t’ief” de elections..if de shoe was on de odder foot it woulda be ah political strategy….dey vex!

Parliament call, dey show up for the grand opening but dey eh bring dey wives.. dey come alone an’ den dey leave as soon as de openin’ over….dey eh go for de reception at de Presidents House afterwards….dey vex!

Budget read, de Leader of de Opposition run out as soon as it finish an’ eh talk to no reporters or make any comment….before dey could push ah mike, he bolt! An’ some odders have to make l’il statements to de Press…if it was de odder way around, yuh couldn’t get enough Press around yuh….

Give up de sulkin’, act mature an’ try tuh organize to be in place for when de nex’ election come!  Leh we overs dat kinda behaviour, nah…

SPIN-NING TOP IN MUD.....

Well, if yuh fin’ yuh eh hear about de WI Cricket(y) team an’ feel dey missin’ in action have no fear..dey alive, but dey certainly eh well! An’ dey getting’ plenty action from India.

They on de sub continent an’ givin’ some sub-par performances too! We gone to play ah series and some One Day matches..well, was 3 Test matches an’ ah believe 7 One Days, which eh start yet..

We already 2-0 behin’ in de Test Series, so we lorse that already.. yuh jus’ playin’ to hide shame now….an’ like shame playin’ bold face because it starin’ we in de face! Unblinkin’!

Hear nah…matches startin’ at 12 midnight and finishing about 8:30 in de mornin’, so by de time yuh reach to work, yuh mood done fix….ah shoulda know somet’ing was wrong from early..dey couldn’t get sponsorship over here for we to see de cricket….at de las’ minute some business people come t’rough..  Well is bes’ we didn’t see de matches brudder…it woulda have ah lot of people sleeping better!

Ah doh know, wey or how to start…..
India is a country noted for spin bowlin’…contrary to common belief (on de WI team at any rate..) this is not a new phenomenon.. dis type of bowling preceded the now famous pace bowlin’.. so there is nothing magical.. just. watch the ball, put your foot to the line of the ball and play forward confidently, or off the back foot while keepin’ your eye ON de ball…..shall I go dat over again…?

Well, apparently somebodies missed one or all of dose steps, because it was downright shameful and embarassing…in de First innings, we bat twice and still couldn't make dey First Innigs score…we lose by ah innings an’ change….plenty change!

De amount ah times ah see dat ball go up in de air an’ get caught, ah swear was basketball…  Dere is an age old rule……..“if yuh doh hit de ball in de air, yuh cyah get caught”…again, somebodies missed dat also!

When India battin’, is lash like little boys all over de ground….now India of course prepared dey wicket for spin…but dey doh have quality fast bowlers as such, so use your advantage in dat area to turn de match…yes, yuh mightn’t get all de pace yuh want off de wicket, but still…….bowl intelligently…uummmmmm?

So it was like ah stack of dominoes, as one fall , it hit de odders an’ de nex’ one fall, etc..  Sarwan, we young Turk still try to stand up, as did Chanderpaul (Chanders) and to a lesser extent de captain Hooper (H-oops)..odder dan that it was ah passing out parade!

Leh we eh talk about we fielding…man, ah t’ought was cartoon or somet’ing I watchin’….man falling down, rolling on de ground, mis-fielding balls….de West Indies Comedy Hour….. like dey grease dey han’ before dey come on de field..nothin’ stayin’ in!

Dis new fast bowler Lawson put dong some serious pace an’ even take ah few wickets, ah hope he eh ah one match wonder….de only wonder is how we manage to go downhill so fas’…an’ we foot still on de accelerator…

We lose de next match by 8 wickets, within de 5 day stipulation..de close we dong in 4 days..  Ah wonder if dem fellas getting’ “ah bad curry” as dey say here…  Yuh know what dat does cause, eh? …because from de looks of it, dat is what dey playin’!
 

De Official Cobra Travelogue- USA…
 

BACK TO THE EAST....

Continuing on meh trip to de US, ah now dong to de second to last stage…alyuh still wit’ meh…? Alyuh tired yet?!

Okey dokey….yuh boy in the Big Apple again getting’ ready to bus’ off once more.... meh drop had to leave meh at Port Authority Station for de bus to DC.. yeah ah decide to use de scenic route (i.e de cheap route!).

Ah see one setta Queens districts, nobody really on de streets, some famous places which meh drive swear have de bes’ roti, fry chicken,etc… jus’ like back home (so dey say!). NY nice by night boy…..

Now why Trinis feel everywhere is home…we get ah l’il “disoriented” (lost) on de way but untangle weself easily enough and pass by the station goin’ in de wrong direction…  Now allyuh suppose to do is go down ah couple streets spin round and come back…but dat woulda take too long (did I mention we had ah good hour still to wait…?) an’ dat is too much confusion, so do de nex’ bes’ t’ing…?  Yeah, make ah three point turn on 42nd Street……...not ah good idea…!  Dat is one one de TWO main streets in NY…… but it early in de mornin’, so who go see, right?!   As meh brudder spin de steering wheel like ah top, ah jus’ see cars flashin’ in front meh eyes…suddenly ah see we headin’ straight for de side of a car on de odder side of de street……yuh mean ah come all dis way to dead?! “Look out! Look out! Look out! ”. Man de odder fella mash brakes…….scrrreeeccccchhhhhh!..….an’watch we fix in we face….hear meh driver.. “yeah man, ah did see him…..”   Look, de way dat fella look at we, ah was seein’ anodder statistic for road rage....ah doh have ah problem wit dat, once he start on de driver side….dat way I could get ah chance to run…somebody have to tell de story!

We reach across safely, ah steady meh knees an’ off load to get to de station…watchin’ all dem drifters who might decide to snatch somet’ing from meh….ah gid dem de “hard stare” (ah bad for days , yuh know!)

Now, is it against de law to sweep de bus station or even de streets at night…rubbish pile up higher dan two ah me, an’ de smell wan’t too nice….yuh boy feelin’ ah l’il hunger pang, so ah decide to look for somet’ing…  As ah was scoutin’, some young ladies in ah nice jeep call out to meh (ha! Even here de Cobra still have poison, boy…! How ah talk?! But ah was too hungry to take dat on!)….  Well, wey ah could afford wasn’t open, so ah had to settle for de small shop in de station…small in size, but big in price! Dem boys feel dem is “gourmet” or what?!

At least de bus arrive on time, everybody form ah single line (my gosh!), an’ leave ah l’il early…I was bad lucky to get ah seat dat couldn’t recline, so sleeping wasn’t de easiest t’ing…an’ ah jus’ relax an’ let de driver do he t’ing…  He make one unscheduled stop to get ah snack an’ den we land in DC at around 5:54 a.m, to be picked up by meh good good fren….she was late though (yeah, she from Trinidad!).

Well, I eh good hit bed yet an’ is because dey ready to go…! An’ man, ah real move about in DC…is ah really nice place…gi’ dem dat…dey does keep de capital looking nice…all de statues, Greco Roman art, fancy building, landscaping, parks, waterways, forest…..stark contrast to de concrete of NY.   But my word….….why dey doh build de streets straight?! One minute yuh on Frank Street, yuh ben’ ah corner an’ as yuh straighten up, yuh on Doris Blvd! Why de streets doh continue….we get lost for 40 mins one night goin’ up an’ dong de same street lookin’ for ah house, because de street name change an’ we eh realise it!   Ah hear de founders decide to make it so, to confuse de enemy….well dey do ah damn good job…! Many of de streets radiate out from central DC…..interestin’ design….ah get meh full of FREE education, ah walk till ah drop through de Smitsonians, an’ weyyyyy!…..every time ah see Union Station ah does get bazodee…..dem spend real money on dat place boy…now dat is ah transport hub! Man, it bigger dan some airports ah know! Look nah, if is one t’ing ah like to see is good, creative architecture, an’ dey come t’rough good….! De columns, de different floors, dat vast eating section (food taste good too!), orderliness of train lines, clean….. It real nice an’ mus’ be cost ah mint to maintain…no wonder AMTRAK lookin’ at bankruptcy!

Ah see all de Universities, Georgetown, etc…, check out de Capitol an’ White House (ah wanted to pelt ah stone, but couldn’t get close enough to try…..dem reallllllll fraid terroists now, boy! Everywhere near the centre block up)…..Washington Memorial, Lincoln Memorial, Pentagon…….nice, man, nice…good to see how dey remember dey heroes ..like we eh have none dong dis side…if ah have to judge from statues or landmarks in de West Indies…

Checked out some nice restaurants (didn’t have to pay, so dey had to be nice…Carlo boy, yuh is de bes’..T’anks!). Of course de ole talk an’ lime went dong good….bounce up anodder Trini traveller fren an’ we ride de subway (it easy…is only 4 lines, not de spider web dat NY have….but den again, dey eh have too many people comparatively speakin’ eh!).

We check out some monastries, dem big cathedrals, even do ah LITTLE shopping…..but woy boy! Dat place was hot…! Like dey hide de breeze somewhere…! Man, de sun beatin’ dong an’ de hot air jus’ stayin’ in one spot….yuh prayin’ for evening to come….!

All we frens/family cook up some nice meals for we, so by de time ah ready to leave, man ah feelin’ like Shammu de whale (but only muscle, eh, no fat! Oho!). Ah cyah say ah get to meet too many new people in DC (tryin’ to see de ones ah know was hard enough), but dey seem like ah easy going set….friendly, helpful (yuh know yuh have to ask directions sometimes!). Nice lookin’ too! Ah mus’ say ah enjoy mehself good in de capital…ah eh have no hard feelin’s leaving dey…..

Of course ah had was to see some of Virginia (dat place have real bush, boy!) an’ Maryland too….we get lost like crazy on one of dem trips….took us more dan ah hour to fin’ de place and 20 mins to get back home! An’ again, de Trini bad driving….doh go on de straight lane if yuh turnin’! Dem drivers behin’ get real ignorant boy…..an’ hear we driver.. “Buh ay-ay..wha’ happen to dem, dey hurry?!” She wrong an’ strong! An’ since de street is one way an’ yuh pass de turn –off, why go around? Simply “reverse back” to de turn off….boy if de Police was more vigilant, some people woulda be wearin’ some “silver bracelets” by now….!

Ah was suppose to go back by bus to Jersey an’ den head for the last segment (ah go tell yuh jus’ now wey ah was goin…wait nah!) but ah get ah drop wit’ ah family, so ah save mehself some money……bye to DC an’ tri-state area…an’ all de TNNers who make it such fun…..de Cobra eh go forget alyuh!

Off to de (yawn!) Interstate, into Jersey for de weekend before heading for ole Massachusetts and Pennsylvania…more Trini limers to ketch up wit’……! Ah coming back nex’ week for de final segment!


 

If yuh is ah traveller and yuh forget weh yuh is,

YUH KNOW YUH NOT IN TRINBAGO IF…..

Yuh doh have to rush across ah zebra crossing before some driver lick yuh dong…!

De waiter actually have patience while yuh trying to decide what to eat or answering yuh politely when yuh askin’ “An’ what dat have in it…?”

Yuh could feel assured yuh go get ah refund or exchange if yuh go back to de store…(“Of course sir”,..rather dan “Yuh break it an’ now yuh want to blame we?!” )

Nobody eh “sootin’” ah young girl or callin’ out “Ay family, how yuh passin’ meh straight so…?!” an’ yuh NEVER see de fool in yuh life!

When yuh say “leh we lime” an’ everybody tryin’ to figure out what yuh mean…..!

“But it was rainin’..” is not a valid excuse for reaching to work late….

People forming ONE line at a counter….!

Every sentence doh have ah “yeah”, “nah man”, “boy”, “gyurl” or “ay-ay” in it….!

You is de only person “tinklin’” de ice in yuh glass, before yuh drink…!

Only de people yuh INVITE show up at yuh wedding..!

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Dat’s all for dis week folks… remember any queries, questions, comments, hail outs etc… jus’ write to we anchorman Cobra at ttcobra1@hotmail.com an’ we go get back to yuh… Take care care, alyuh, ah gone…. Peace…..  Maaatilda….Maaatilda…Maaatilda…she take meh money an’ gone Venezuela…. ……….(background music, Ah forget who sing dat..alyuh could help meh out?! )