TNN 109

Hello folks ….an’ wit de news form latitudes south…(deep voice)…dis is TNN…!.
I was plannin’ to forget calypso an’ go an’ plant peas in Tobago…But I am afraid..I cyah make de grade….cause every night ah lie dong in meh bed…ah hearin’ ah bass man in meh head… …... (background music..Bassman, Shadow) 

Jumpstation: In dependence; Party animals; It's over; 

De Official Cobra Travelogue- USA
On the runway; Touchdown.

Well unfortunatley ah wasn’t in de country for Independence Day an’ maybe it was for de best.. because ah hear dey had ah Independence show.. celebrating de Independence of TnT an’ de drawcard on de show was ah character called Usher, with local SUPPORTING acts! 

Now tell me if dis is not disrespect an’ damn nonsense to de highest.. not ah show dat feature national building calypsoes or calypsoes sung at the nation’s Independence 40 yrs ago or a show dedicated to past icons in de entertainment industry or anything like dat..noooooo, we had to get Mr. Usher to come an’ croon for we…dat shows how independendt we is…

We even independent of any feelings of patriotism.. you could image ANYWHERE in de US having ah show where de US entertainers are supporting acts…  Usher sing we national anthem, any national song, folk song, ANYTHING to even acknowledge or remind us of who we are or hope to be?  Ahmmmm…no!  I jus’ surprised dat July 4th wasn’t ah public holiday here.. because on Sept 11th I seeing front page shots in remembrance of the Twin Towers bombing..

If somebody did blow up ah tower in Thailand and killed thousands, yuh t’ink one year later that woulda be occupying we whole front page.. but dis is America, yuh know….!  Yeah, by all means we sorry, but I find we have enough t’ings to mourn for in dis place, without having to commemorate odder people tradjedies also..!

We should be mourning for de millions of children who die every year in squalid refugee camps from preventable diseases and lack of food when other nations stand by an’ watch; mourn for the millions who will never read, have ah roof over dey heads or who living under repression and oppression, dem is the people we should fly flag at half mast for.. 

An’ feel even more sorry for the administrations who could help de situation but stand by an’ do nothing…..be sorry that after all did time we still worrying about nuclear warfare, that we prefer to perish like fools rather than live together as brothers and sisters……

Maybe we should change we colours from red, white an’ black to red, white and blue..? Wha’ yuh say? ! 

PARTY ANIMALS...

Well look my crosses, yuh believe de PM call ah election date while I was out of de country..?  De man eh even consult meh beforehan’ to see if I agree, or if ah have ah lime planned for dat day self?! Patrick getting’ outta han’ …ah go have to manners him……..

Anyway to give alyuh ah l’il run down on de stories since ah return home…ah decide to use meh metaphorical talents to gi’ alyuh de scores….

Is PARTY TIME…! Jump up an’ wave..! Man, dis nation could celebrate.. ah never see party so..l ike Carnival come twice dis year…!   It have ah couple new promoters on de block dis rounds…de PTT Democratic Party of Trinidad and Tobago - now if yuh throwin’ ah fete… yuh name have to be able to fit on ah banner or ah poster…by de time yuh write all dat name, it eh have room to advertise yuh dance…  

De head of de party say dat businesses eh supportin’ him….. dey done corner de two top contenders, so he feelin’ ah squeeze for fundin’, an’ he feel discriminated against.. but brudder, if you eh realise dat de big parties would already have big business in dey pocket, ah wondering about yuh political savvy…!  Apparently dem boys cyah pay ah DJ to blast music, so nobody eh know wey de DPTT party takin’ place..  Ah feel dis one, as dey say ….fete bus!  Dey go lose big time, dey go have to dig in dey pockets to pay for de premises (dey go lose dey deposit!).

Now de National Unity Party, led by de former AG of a former administration, de ole “Ram” Maharaj, decide dey eh havin’ no fete again, because wit’ all de competition dey might split patrons an’ cause ah 18-18 tie again.  But some of de sponsors of de Unity fete already pull out: de odder Ram and Sudama (Sudes) resign.. so de promoter realise dat it go be difficult to attract de party animals to come an’ eat an’ drink by he, so he say he coming out for Local Government elections (he only throwin’ house lime…. he eh big enough to t’row fete!).

It have ah nx’ party in Tobago, me eh know who de DJ is, an' like dat party postpone, because nobody dress up to go dey…..

Den de NAR decide dey go join with de UNC in ah accomodation (it fail twice before, but dey go try gain… yuh have to admire de stupidity of such people!).   Bas already show dat he eh like to share gate receipts.. is obvious de man tryin’ to get yuh patrons..  Once he get dem, you and all go have to pay to come in.. or he might throw dem out an’ eh refund them dey money….. but NAR realise dat with de odder big fetes on de same night, de might only pull ah small crowd.. wouldn’t cover de cost of rentals. 


Now de two “winer boys” Bas an’ Pathos vyin’ to see which kinda music dey people want….because dey want to ketch crowd..  Some people already deciding dey stayin’ home, so dey promising dat de fete go be good, doh miss it…..

If yuh eh have ah ticket (vote), yuh eh eh have ah chance!  So Bas sayin’ dat is de Prez. who give Pathos de job as fete organizer, but he Bas have de best DJ, so he shoulda be the fete organizer and set de date of de fete (elections)….

Man, each side blastin’ dey music loud across de road from each other tryin’ to drown out de nex’.. an’ de poor people who living around in peace or going home to have a relaxing evening, is music in yuh head all de time!  Even de people who not interested in fete or who strolling dong de road being offered free tickets!  

Bas make ah las’ minute addition to the cast of performers, so on comes Dookeran (Dooks..who used to frequent and lime wit’ de NAR boys..)…  Dey say dat boy could wine and jam…...everybody respect him…he is de DAN in de place…….

Pathos counteract with Sanderson (Sanders) who was also ah drinker wit’ de NAR.  Anyway de promotional event start an’ everybody lookin’ for de best lime on de block….. we go see how much difference de music go make…….! Get ready to WINE! 

(Look out for weekly updates on de politricks until elections on Oct.7th). 

IT'S OVER.....

Yes, all it took was one over to sen’ de West Indies cricket team packing….!  

Man, we line up to play South Africa in de ICC one Day series.  Guns blazing, man come out to play! We make ah decent total ..ah cyah give alyuh de run down because de match start ‘bout 12 midnight and I forget about that until de nex’ mornin’.. but as ah walkin’ through Port of Spain, ah hear SA batting and is 58 runs in 50 balls to win, an’ de commentataor had de heart to say dat WI look to be on top…..

Man if somebody hit two fours dat is ah run ah ball an’ dat means dat effectively yuh backpedaling….but when ah reach de office an’ de match had about 2 overs to go ah decide ah puttin’ on de TV, only to fin’ somebody move de dam TV from de normal room! 

So ah gone by ah nex’ pardner to hear out de match.   Second to last over, Pedro Collins bowls masterfully….. he set we up nice, nice,….six balls and 14 runs to make… dat is sock eye….  Ah get up an’ ah start to wave an’ do ah l’il jig… De S Africans go eat pepper today…hot goin’ in an’ hot comin’ out…! Heh!heh!heh!  Wooooop paaaaa!  

Man, Dillon take de ball to bowl de las’ over..first ball ah full toss….kratoks!  Six runs.. ah start to slow down ah l’il bit.. people passin’ an’ watchin’ meh strangely….  Next ball de man go for ah big hook an’ get caught out, but since de batsmen cross it count as one run.. so 4 balls seven runs.. not too nice eh, but ah decide to blow conch shell…  Ah put meh han’ in fron meh mout and ah make song…..OOOOOOhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Take conch shell in yuh pfeffen!… den ah start talk about like ah hearin’ some singing from a rotund woman…an’ it soundin’ loud and clear! Den ah start de chant ….Aaaaamen! Aaaaamen! Aaamen! Aaamen! Aaamen! De long recognised chant signalling the coming vanquishment of a lowly opponent in WI cricket…..! 

Third and fifth ball, man going for big hits and get caught out!  Man, is pandemonium, dey have to score 3 runs with one ball….! Look nah, de only way is to hit ah four an’ by dis time dey dong to dey no. 10 batsman an’ he now comin’ in to face de last ball! Pressah! To bus’ pipe! 

Dillon come in an’ bowl…..Whooosh! De ball flash down de leg side evade de keeper and gone he way..! De umpire signal ah wide (1 run) and den dey run to make count for ah nex’ one…

My Loooorrrrrrddddd! It mean that de scores tied an’ dey have 1 run to win…from 14 runss! FROM FOURTEEN RUNS at de start of de over! 

Ah sit down like ah cat on ah hot tin roof…ah hearin’ de bowler runnin’ up…ah hear he bowl de ball….de batsman make ah big swing…!  Paks!  Is because de man make contact an’ de ball racing like pothound wit’ he tail on fire towards the boundary.. eluding and escaping all de fielders..

We managed to wrestle victory to de ground, pry open she jaws and extract , INTACT, de poor fallen, pale form of defeat! How else yuh could explain dat?! 

Ah collapse on de air condition unit, meh face touchin’ de metal, meh strength gone, meh celebrations 3 balls ago making meh feel stupid! Man start to laugh at meh.. ah jus’ wanted to zip up de world in ah bag and pelt it over ah “space ledge”… 

What is de point? How COULD you do something like dat? Yuh hate winnin’? Losin’ is yuh bes’ friend? Yuh fraid to horn losin’?  Mind you, we total of 238 in 50 overs was hard to defend, but we did an admirable job, an’ it just unravelled in de end…..  Yes, de bowler was de unfortunate one to bell de cat, but MAYBE if Brian Lara didn’t go slashing at de ball like it was bread he was cuttin’; maybe if we batsmen had made any effort to reach 50 or more, maybe we would not have to be looking down the barrel of a gun at de las’ minute. 

We have to learn to focus still… when de LAS’ ball bowl, den de match finish, not BEFORE!  So please fellas, we really dig weself in with dis defeat, we go really have to struggle now to make de semi fiinals, but ah beggin’ yuh, oh gorm, doh shame meh so again…..is only because ah was in public ah eh break dong cryin’! 

If alyuh was wonderin’ wey de Cobra was over de past few weeks, well yuh boy decided to check out de US in person after ah absence of about 6 yrs or so, so ah come to “inspect de troops” as dey say… so over de nex’ few weeks ah go give alyuh ah glimpse of meh travels in de Official Cobra Travelogue- USA…
 

ON THE RUNWAY.....

Time to go, so yuh boy lan’ up in Piarco, travellin' light (me eh have money to buy nothing, so no need for ah suitcase an’ ah hate havin’ to wait to collect luggage)….  Ah hear ‘bout de new security system since 9/11, so de fella kinda curious to know what de “to do” look like….. 

As ah bus’ through de doorway ah get swallowed by ah sea ah people.. swim or sink! Everybody in ah line like is food time in ah refugee camp..  Man, wen ah tell yuh ah hate to line up, ah rather pay somebody to stan’ in line for meh…..but ah decide to take de pressure..  Ah reach de first security check point an’ de man check meh immigration forms an’ meh ticket an’ wave meh on.  Ah nex fella call meh over an’ start asking one setta questions….

“Yuh pack yuh bag yuhself?” (Nah, ah ask ah total stranger on Frederick Street to do it for meh!) 
“Yuh have any explosives?” (Oh gorm, how yuh know ah was carryin’ de bomb?!  Maybe ah was fidgeting too much?) 
“Wey yuh goin’?” (As far as possible from dis dotish system!) 

Quick-dig, quick-dig, den he sen’ meh on meh way…  If I used to check meh back door so, t’ief woulda break in meh house several times already!

Ah reach de counter, de agent take meh passport an’ check meh immigration form (ah t'ought somebody do dat already…..why dey checkin’ it twice... is either it right or it wrong…seems like ah “create ah job” syndrome to me, eh….).   Den she tell meh ah have to check in ah bag because it too big to go on de plane….  Is only because ah well brought up an’ didn’t want to embarrass meh parents, ah eh recite some genealogy for de girl! But ah suppose she doin’ she wuk…..cyah vex wit’ de woman…  Ahmmm, by de way, de flight delayed, so wait ah 3 hrs nah… apparently since ah take ah charter, ah mus’ suffer for meh “frugality”?

Ah sidown, do some readin’, buy some souvenirs (why because it have ah TnT label on it, it mus’ cost ah house mortgage?!  Especially since it made in China?!) 

Den is time to board…..so yuh boy settle in to sleep because is already late in de night…. get ah nice meal for ah change an’ ah little in flight entertainment…

Apparently a young lady was exceeeedingly happy an’ was laughin’ loud like she in she back yard.. an’ ah real annoyin’, screechin’ laugh…. repeatedly.. like somet’ing tickle she funny bone!  Eventually de air steward, seeing dat other paasengers were about to make de lady get off..”sans parachute” asked her to “Keep it down” (American accent). 

Obviously dat pleased a senior fellow who was rather perturbed to say de least and muttered aloud wey she come from…  Dere was a moment silence…den oh Looooorrrrrrdddd! Talk ‘bout cuss…de fella fin’ out wey he mudder use to meet she…how she pay for she &^%$#+@ ticket (I just got an ordinary airline ticket!)…..an’ nobody cyah tell she how to behave.. why he doh hush he ^%#*@^# mout’, etc….  Poor uncle was reduced to mutterin’  "Dat is all yuh could say… why yuh doh hush yuh mout?” Eventually the tirade subsided an de flight continued.. yuh boy get to ketch ah l’il sleep….

TOUCHDOWN....

Screeecccchhhhh! Screeeccch! Plane touch dong…de way de pilot lan’ dat plane, like he was sleepy too! We bounce around an’ den finally settle dong…people start to fidget an’ look for hand luggage…  Ah could never understan’ Trinis.. yuh siddong in de plane for more dan five hours.. wait ah 10 mins till de plane stop, nah…no door eh open, wey yuh rushin’ goin’? 

So ah touch dong at JFK, man, 2 o'clock in de mornin’..  Meh fren tell meh, dey doh allow people to wait around in de airport.. ah say well, I go have to sleep by ah security guard house tonite, because I eh takin’ no hotel room to sleep for 2 hrs and get up….

Now I hear so much about US security, I primed an’ ready for some real shakedown..  Man, is like de people was too tired to care..we was de last flight in, dey process we an’ sen’ we on we way..  Ah take ah cool sleep curl up in ah chair, throw meh bag in storage an’ decide come mornin’, ah goin’ downtown NY to announce to dem dat de Cobra in de city, because meh nex’ flight eh till 5 o clock in de evening….

Ah make ah li’l pass by the food court to get some food…my worrrrrdd!  Alyuh, no wonder Americans are so “slim challenged”…everything have oil, grease and fat.. is pizza, is egg wit’ ah millon things added to it… sausages, french toast with maple syrup…. oh gaaaaaaaddddd!   What happen to whole wheat toast with butter an’ cheese…?!   When ah finish eat ah feel like ah put on 50 pounds!   Now was time to head for downtown NY……

Give de US dat, dey have dey orgnanization dong pat in some areas.. ah ask at Information how to get to downtown…. cheap… she tell meh use de subway an’ tell meh how to get dey…  Ah ask ah nex’ person, same story..  Yuh know in Trinidad, all now yuh have ‘bout 6 ways to get dey, depending on what day yuh ask dem!

So yuh boy skate out an’ board de famous NY subway (wouldn’t hurt to clean de carriage now an’ den, eh…?!) and head for downtown.  Now yuh know how on de train, people doh look at each other an’ doh have no interaction.. so ah decide to have some fun.. ah only looking at people, and nodding and smiling….. Welll boy…is like I is ah terrorist, people jus’ look away quick, quick or bury dey head in ah book or newspaper…dey eh want to get involved wit’ dis crazy smiley/noddy psycho! Heh! Heh! Heh! 

Anyway ah get out at 42nd St. an’ head for de famous Times Square… as ah walkin’ dong de street takin’ in de neon lights, big advertising signs, etc… ah say to mehslf.. “But this country rich, boy, dey even air condition de street…”  Is den I realise, what air condition dat?!  Is de damn cold breeze hittin’ meh…what is all dis talk about summer?! Haaah Lorrrddd! 

So ah had ah good look around, buy ah couple postcards, eat ah l’il greasy food an’ decide, leh meh head back to de airport to ketch meh flight, so ah reach back wit’ about 2 hrs to spare to board meh cheap flight (t’anks Expedia and Priceline.. we love you!) to yep, Surf City, Beachfront Bay…. de ole California-iaaaaaaayyyyyy (cont’d next week).

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That’ all for dis week folks….remember any queries, questions, comments, ole talk, hail outs etc, just write to we anchorman Cobra at ttcobra1@hotmailcom an’ we go get back to alyuh! Ole lady walk ah mile an’ ah half an’ she te-le-le…. (background music…Kitchener)….…. Peace….. By de way…Happy V-Day to all ah alyuh…!