TNN 105

Hello folks.. welcome to our broadcast from latitudes South… we back again… an’ (deep voice)… dis is TNN…. Take de calypso music to de mountains…an’ let every drop of earth hear when I sing….. out of de barrack yards calypso rising…...(background music….GB)

Jumpstation: Win and lose; Master stroke; Criminal intent; Soccer sickness... football fever.

Yeah, we win de Test series against India man, 2-1. We finally had we way in Jamaica.. dat was excitement.. we bowl out India for ah little over 100 runs and then we proceed to planasse dem into submission!..… Now dis is why yuh mus’ never let de Cobra beat yuh at anyt’ing…. hear how ah go describe we win……

Man, dem come all dis way from quite-o-quite to get ah cuttail?!  Man, dey coulda stay home an’ get it fuh free! Hear nah, we dance on dey graves… we beat dem, t’row dem dong, pick dem back up and’ start to beat dem again! Dey cyah sid down now, ah sure! Dey had footprints all over dey behinds!

We beat dem like ah good bus-up-shut! What we eh do is what we forget to do… dey feel dem was able wit’ we…?!  Now dey callin’ we “Sir…”, because we is de masters….. we ent take no prisoners…. who wasn’t quick was dead!  Crapaud smoke dey pipe!  Dog eat dey supper!  Dey shoulda see what was comin’ an’ turn de plane around…!  Who eh dead, badly wounded..!

Boy, doh ever let me get ahead of yuh nah boy….. ah go kill yuh wit’ lyrics!  Den yuh believe after ah drink one for de boys and yuh hear commentators talkin’ about dey turn ah corner and getting’ back to form…dey spin back around an’ lose de One Day Series 2-1?!  Like winning is not quite ah habit yet….. two One Days wash out in Jamaica…...

Now if I was the West Indies Cricket Board and de weather forecast an’ satellite showin’ rain like monsoon season over Jamaica for de nex’ two days, I woulda move de match to Antigua (which dryer dan chips).. ah mean, was ah weekend, yuh was bound to get patrons….. nah, dey decide to stay in Jamaica, have no cricket, pay hotel and meals for all dem cricketers, refund fan dey tickets, rather than jus’ make ah couple phone calls and put de matches in Antigua…  Den dey go come bawlin’ how de lose money on de tour…… Steeuuuuupppss!

But getting’ back to de cricket.. de las’ match in Queen’s Park Oval… dey rock we back wit’ two early wickets…. then Lara ad Sawan take too long to get de number of dem bowlers and is because was ah rush to try an’ get de runs…

Laro eh showin’ form atall!  He sweep at dem spins bowlers like he was cleanin’ house.... an’ is like de bat had ah hole… de ball passin’ he straight….  Finally when dey see India bowlin’ tight an dey fall behind in de run chase, dey decide to hit out… an’ was VOOPS!  Kluk-ko-tong (Bails flying!)  VOOP! Clitiks (ball gettin de top edge of de bat)! Caught…..!

Hooper reach an’ face one ball which take him in he throat an’ he choke on de shot…out!  Chanderpaul (Chanders) and Jacobs come togedder an’ decide dey go make ah match of it.. man, dem fellas tear into de bowlin’… 

Suddenly it seem like we was back in de game, an’ could actually win, den two shots an’ we was starin’ defeat in de face…hard!

De rest of de team was jus’ bowlers an’ de last rights were administered without ceremony… dey lick we up on we home soil…. for de first time in about 30 years!

So is like we turn de corner in truth….but I eh sure what direction we headin’ in…!  New Zealand done lan’ here an’ we have One Day-ers and Two Test Matches to play….. startin’ from Wed… keep tuned in… yuh go get de scores!
 

MASTER STROKE...

Well, in dis cricket season, de PM decide to play ah couple strokes, while Bas manage to out heself….. Ah have to say Papatrick come t’rough lookin’ good an’ smellin’ sweet…for ah change!

What start de whole baccahnal..?  Pathos decide to move some jhandis from de PM residence.. not bein’ Hindu, de man decide to remove de flags from de grounds, call in ah pundit an’ had it done very respectfully an’ in accordance wit’ Hindu customs…..

Man, Bas blood fly up in he head (but obviously didn’t reach he brain!)  He say Pathos is ah bigot….. how de doh respect Hindus, how he is ah Christian supremacist, how he unfit to rule..

Of course anybody wit’ sense wonderin’ what de hell he squawkin’ about….?  You had yuh customs, you put dong yuh jhandis, nobody eh bother yuh, yuh leave an’ yuh want to force somebody else to abide by your beliefs?  An’ to top it off, he put dong ah 3 tonne lignum (sacred stone) an’ daring Papatrick to move it…..!  An’ how de jhandi ground is sacred an’ it have coins buried dey an’ dey watchin’ Pathos every move…. (well, if dey was watchin’ me, is now I movin’ dem… because dey might go back an’ tell yuh what dey see!).

I couldn’t believe de damn foolishness I hearin’!  Plus to dat de Hindu Maha Sabha decide not to invite de PM to de annual Indian Arrival Day celebration and pujas because he move de jhandis…

Yuh see why politics an’ religion shouldn’t mix… yuh makin’ yuhself as dotish as de politicians! 

But Papatrick still show up, stayed a couple hours an’ because he was de PM, dey was forced to put him on de stage (yuh could snub de man, but not de office.. dat would be ah desperate lack of class!) an’ even had to invite him to say somet’ing.. so yuh boy make ah cool speech talkin’ about racial and religious harmony, eh call no names an’ left to de applause of de crowd…. ah doh know who advise him, but it was ah political masterstroke.. he face dong de conflict take it in hand an’ come out good…

On de odder side however…..Bas was of course dey, an’ when he had to speak, he start bawlin’ out he lungs about how de leader of de land is ah bigot, how dis is not de time to tolerate hypocrites, how de watchwords of de nation should be discipline, appreciation and production, not discipline, tolerance and production, since he want to be appreciated not tolerated (though in his case I woulda settle for tolerance because is only because some people have dat, dat somebody eh run up to de stage an’ rest ah lash on him! Ah mean, dis is supposed to be ah religious and sacred ceremony… doh be tryin’ to buy votes in such ah callous an’ low class manner!)..

He also leave he dictionary at home, because as Martin Luther King said… “The law may not make a man like me, but it can stop him from lynching me….”  In other words, yuh cyah force somebody to appreciate yuh… if I decide I doh appreciate you, dat is your hard luck!  Yuh cyah legislate de heart!  But apparently Bas t’inks odderwise.  Ah could see why he attend dat function.. he real need prayers!

CRIMINAL INTENT.....

Hmm.. we seem to have hit ah crime wave and like we get bowled over by it!

Statistics show crime up in almost every category.  De Minister of National Security had ah system called Anaconda (joint police and army seal off an’ search areas or erect roadblocks) an’ nab a few wanted people….. but talk is dat de Anaconda eat ah few fellas an’ gone to sleep. Man was even gettin' tip off as to when de snake was comin’….. yuh know how Trinis cyah hold ah secret…..!

Now, some people blamin’ de government, political instability (or so dey say, makin’ bandits more brave.. dat makin’ sense…... ?  De police and courts still workin’ regardless of whether Parliament call or not), some say dey courts to lenient, justice slow, parents to blame, entertainment industry, etc…..

All ah dem have ah part to play yes.. but we still not puttin’ in place any comprehensive plan to handle t’ings. Now, I all for greater patrols and maybe some harsher measures in de short term…desperate times call for desperate measures, if yuh ketch meh drift….yuh have to pull up some people who decide is time to play deyself……  Ah couple days ago, a man shoot anodder one in de cinema, den a couple youths shoot up ah nex’ set who was limin’ at de corner…  People start to talk about drugs.. man, in dis scene if yuh mash ah man foot or look hard at he girlfren, he go out yuh lights….

If yuh want to fight crime, it have two Ministries yuh have to activate an’ fas’ too… Education and Social Development.  Yuh cyah have 80% of children leaving certain schools with 5 subjects after more than 12 years of schoolin’…. dat tells meh yuh eh getting’ value for money or yuh have de dunciest population in de whole world!…...

Nex’ all dem children who runnin’ about de street after 10 o clock in de night, who out of school limin’ on school days, who cyah afford to buy books, who come from poor families…. every local government area should have programs and enforcement to deal wit’ dem kinda problems, but in dis place it eh have no local government…..is jus’ ah extension of central government, so everyt’ing does take ah year to get off de ground, an’ is not specialised and suited to de area, because as far as dem concerned, one size fits all!

So we go continue to fire fight in de near future….I already suggest that all dem young people yuh ketch wit’ ah gramme of marijuana, what yuh jailing dem for….?  Compulsory counselling or remedial learning classes (most of dem barely literate) together with community service (free labour!)…clean up all dem old folks home, dig some drain, paint some offices, etc…..  When we satisfied wit’ yuh progress, we allow yuh out into ah job training program, then into society....

We have to make allowances for dem who fall t’rough de cracks.. de system not perfect….. an’ how yuh expect ah “government” to deal wit’ dat…  We need EVERYBODY on board, ruling party, opposition, NGOs, County Councils, etc….

Now dis party in power, de odder one sittin’ back an’ peltin’ stones at everyt’ing dey do….. when dis one out of power, de nex’ one do de same t’ing.. an’ is more and more criminals comin’ out de cracks….  Nobody want to work togedder because dey fraid de odder party “t’ief” dey ideas….. little boys playing big men…!

Up to now ah never hear ah bandit before he rob yuh say “Who yuh vote for?!”

SOCCER SICKNESS... FOOTBALL FEVER.....

Man, ah comin’ dong wit’ it bad, bad, bad, bad!  De World Cup playin’ in South Korea/Japan an’ dem matches comin’ at all kinda strange hours (2:15 a.m, 4:45 a.m, etc…), so is mostly repeats ah have to watch..… an’ when yuh tell people doh tell yuh de score, like dey does feel compelled to disobey yuh!  Ah does feel to hit dem in dey head!

Ah watch ah couple matches dey.. man, de defending champions beaten by Senegal..?! (all France sayin’ is “oh lorse! oh lorse!…heh! heh! Heh!). But ah have ah feelin’ dey go bounce back… 

De prettiness of Brazil man, dey dribbling skills, de nice passing, de curve balls from de free kicks….

De ever popular and brutal Germans, technical efficiency, dey give Saudi Arabia 8 goals in dey pfeffen! Lucky t’ing dey have oil to fall back on!

De nippy and upcoming Japanese and the jus’ plain good Argentinians…

De hard playin’ Nigerians…an’ de “promising much but never delivering” Spanish!

What ah feast! Between cricket and football, ah bazodee.. ah better take some days off!  So ah decide to meditate on ………

How yuh know is World Cup time in TnT...

When yuh pass by ah cubicle in de office an’ yuh seein’ two antennae poking up from inside….

Man comin’ to work wit’ dey eye red, like dey was smokin’ ah joint last night……..

Man start to talk about “dey days” in football… “When I was about 16, ah had ah left foot dey…. ah put water in plenty keeper eye…!”

Everybody know what de coach error was……dey know de team better dan he.. he jus’ wit’ dem every day!

Dey could see ah foul from 6 thousand miles away on ah small screen, an’ sure de referee miss it or “he t’iefing!”

Young boys runnin’ down de road kickin’ lime, football, Coke can…anyt’ing dat even lookin’ round!

After watchin’ yuh team play, you more tired dan dem……!

Yuh forget to feed de baby an’ yuh food getting’ col’ on de table….!

Yuh wife clearin’ away all breakables from the living room in ah panic, when “de boys” reach to watch de match….!

Yuh rushin’ home to see ah “ delayed” match, an’ eh listenin’ to de radio atall in case yuh hear de score….!

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Dat’ s all for dis weeks folks.. remember any queries, comments, questions, hail outs, etc…just write to we anchorman Cobra at ttcobra1@hotmail.com an’ we go get back to alyuh… Peace, ah gone… blessings…… Ah goin’ dong San Fernando, dong dey have plenty tempo…….! ….(background music…Rose)