TNN 104

Hello folks.. welcome to our broadcast from latitudes South… we back again… an’ (deep voice)… dis is TNN….. Feelin’ hot! Hot! Hot! Feelin’ hot! Hot ! hot! ..(background music….Arrow)

Jumpstation: Runs fuh so; Don Quixote rides again; Peddlin' mih wares; Reach out an' touch; Fleet feet; Somet'ing for de mothers.

Yeah, ah have to fill alyuh in on the two Test match dat pass.. we win de Second Test in Barbados wit’ a day to spare…

Man, like dem Indians suddenly crack open like ah egg, an’ everything leak out… we out dem dong for about 112 runs (or close to dat)…

We shock weself an’ all…even de great hope, Tendulkar (Tendy) eh make no pappy show…speakin’ of which…it was proclaimed dat dese Tests woulda be a contest between de Lord of India (Tendy) an’ de Prince of Port of Spain (Lara) …..but like is no contest..!

Tendy have two or three ducks behind he name (all he missin’ is de geera an’ de curry to make ah lime now..) an’ like de Prince turn into ah commoner…cyah seem to get past 50 runs.. an’ always outin’ heself.

Instead men like Dravid, Ganguly, Hooper (Vooper) and Chanderpaul (Chanders) is de fellas who makin de runs for de both teams.. dey leavin’ de big bats in de dus’ man…which is sad. Because when yuh see Laro and Tendy lettin’ go on ball, is because man chasin’ leather to all parts of de grounds! But so far, all hype, no action…even though Tendy still manage ah century in Guyana.

When we win dat secon’ Test in B’dos, de Caribbean breathe ah sigh of relief, because India was ahead 1-0 and it show also dat we could actually WIN for ah change! It also show dat both team kinda brittle to, eh….!

An’ as for dat las’ Test in Antigua…look would somebody please tell Antigua to fix dat ground properly…in two innings, dem fellas score more dan 1100 runs…! Man, dat is madness! 3 men make centuries on de West Indies side..ah forget how much in India…..India score more dan 500 runs, we score over 600…de match draw, not even time for ah second innngs.. man de ground dead like ah dodo! De ball eh doin’ NOTHING on de pitch…I coulda make ah double century out dey..! Please officials, prepare a proper cricket wicket….when yuh have both WICKET KEEPERS on de sides makin’ centurys in de same innings (dat eh happen for more than 100 years now in cricket!), brudder, somet’ing wrong! Damn wrong!

But ah high point in Antigua ah have to mention…Anil Kumble (Ani), de Indian spin bowler, block ah bouncer wit’ he jaw when he was battin’ an’ is because de man jawbone break…dey decide he goin’ back to India for treatment, because dat is de end of he tour…..yuh believe de nex’ day de man emerge on de field, he face bandage like he get in a big fight, de man swallow pain killers, let dem wire he jaw an’ out on de field?! Look, for me dat is de Man of de Series…..an’ to cap it off, he take Laro wicket in he first over (nice shot Laro, playing ACROSS de line of de ball, instead of simply pushing forward) when de danger man was on 4?!

He woulda take Vooper too, but de fieldsmen drop him twice (he went on to make 136..ah sure dey eh go drop he again..!) Dat is courage, dat is stamina, dat is commitment , dat is national pride an’ dat is love for de game…..!  Ah salute de brudder for dat heroic feat!  If only some of we young cricketers had dat kinda dedication, WI woulda still be No. 1 in de worl’!

So off to Jamaica for de Final Test..who win dis win de series..so meh ears an’ eyes glue to meh radio an’ TV…. Dem haffe win, if dem ah know wha good for deyself!
 

DON QUIXOTE RIDES AGAIN...

Alyuh remember dat Don Quixote fella we used to read about years ago in primary school… who used to imagine heself as ah great knight.. who was ah legend in he own mind.. who had ah problem wit’ reality… well, boy, ah have to believe in reincarnation now..! It too coincidental…! Who is de new Don on de block…? Well, may I present we former PM, de man heself… Manday, also known as Bas…!

How else yuh could explain de man’s rantings…?!   De man say de Prez. eh reappoint him as PM, because he have ah racial agenda … Based on what evidence dey ask him…?  Dere is no other explanation, he replies (apparently dat is good enough…! Pity he didn’t go to court wit’ dat…!).

Den he say dat de government is indulging in “ethnic cleansing”.. Now ah have two problems wit’ dat…dat term was used in places like Bosnia, Rwanda, etc., where de atrocities were too horrific to contemplate.. how de hell could you compare DAT wit' hirin’ of people on government boards?!

Dat is trivialising a most pathetic blotch on human history…! But does he stop dere? No, he say de Police have ah plot to arrest him (said during his time on stage during an international show.. dey call him up as an honoured guest to say ah few words… dat is all he coulda t’ink of….. instead of thankin’ de people for coming, or extending hospitality or sayin’ something about culture, all he could t’ink of is to talk such damn nonsense, embarassing de foreigners in de process and politicising de show….)

Now tell me…what Police go waste dey time?!  When dey ask him arrest for what, he say he doh know……   Surprised?!

Now he say dat it have ah special setta Police who “stalkin’ him”!  Why bother, jus’ gi’ de man he Prozac, call he frens in white an’ make sure de padded room comfortable, because my fren, dat is de only place he could be headin’….!

If he had allowed Parliament to convene, he woulda have chance to ramajay an’ make he manima, frustrate government activity an’ get paid for it an’ early elections…. now he feel he have to stay in de news so he steady makin' talk dat could fertilise de whole Northern Range!

All he eh do yet is call heself Prime Minister, but de week eh finish yet!

 

PEDDLIN' MEH WARES.....

Lates’ news in town…Vending illegal!

Ah t’ought dat was ah given.. but some people learn new t’ings (even if de t’ing old!) every day…

Vendors on Charlotte Street in ah uproar, because Government tell dem move dey wares or dey go move dem… Dey decide dey eh movin, so de Police come an’ move dem an’ confiscate wares from who eh want to move…

So dey decide dey go come back in de night an’ sell… so Police come in de night an’ move dem an’ cart off a couple of dem to de Police Station..

So de ole talk start….how poor people cyah earn dey livin’.. how de government uncaring… dey eh votin’ for dem…!

So dey sen’ for Bas to come an’ talk to de Mayor….(vendors could play politics too, yuh know!).   Super Bas, who small man couldn’t reach when he was in office, reach wit’ he cape flyin’….!  He say vending is de solution to an unemployment situation (which he blames de government for), an’ people have to live, though to he credit he say de activity was illegal…

I want to know what dey expected Bas to do, besides grin an’ skin for de camera….!  When people was protestin’ durin’ his reign about jobs, he tell dem go to school an’ learn skills!  Apparently he have ah different view of dis matter……

De Mayor say he sorry, but he cyah allow dis to go on…. ah mean, when yuh walk on Charlotte Street, yuh really walkin’ in DE STREET yuh know… it eh have no place on de sidewalk, yuh could hardly see de shops behin’ de vendors….. after dey leave, de place is ah mess.

Wholesale vendors comin’ and sellin’ on de street to get some more change, is congestion evermore… clearly dis cyah go on.  More an’ more people go decide to come out.. dey already build THREE buildings on prime Port of Spain land for vending, an’ still dey keep comin’…..!

Yuh have to say enough is enough!  If yuh want to vend, go elsewhere, because it will never stop!  Which brings me to a point… why we wait till dis was out of han’ to try an’ deal wit it?  Why was de law not enforced before…?  We ketch we nennen to move dem from Frederick St. …. why didn’t dey deal wit’ Charlotte street den?…

Now dey say dey goin’ to have to fin’ ANODDER place for dem..  I better go an’ squat or vend too… like dat is how yuh does get house an’ lan’ an’ prime commercial property! At dis rate ah squatter/vendor go be ah millionaire in dis Theatre of de Absurd!

I quite agree people have to earn ah livin’ but in de same way de economy only have room for x number of engineers, it only have room in de city for a certain number of vendors…simple ..full stop! 

Of course if we had the foresight to realise that de whole of lower downtown too congested with snail moving vehicular traffic and started setting up pedestrian walkways, making all traffic divert from lower downtown, have orderly side walk cafes and bars, kiosks, landscaping and rest benches, encourage night browsing, etc… we would see ah much less congested, cleaner, safer and more elegant city to visit….. but I eh no town planner, so who is me to talk…?!
 

REACH OUT AN' TOUCH.....

Apparently we PM Pathos take AT&T message ah little too literally..!  According to de story, de police hold ah fella who was he driver, an’ is still employed by him, for some crime of de odder.

Pathos decide he go call de Police Station to see wat de matter is … ‘to get information to know whether he (Pathos) should take disciplinary action against de man' Dey say de man was released after pathos called, but apparently he was released before…

Manday say Pathos should resign ..okay, we’ll skip dat….!

Now ask meh why he couldn’t ask he Secretary, he Chief of Staff, he Protocol Officer, ANYBODY to call de Police Station…..?!  When ah PM call ah station dat could be interpreting as interfering or trying to influence police procedure (in England he lookin’ for ah job all now!).. but Pathos cyah see dat…!

Oh, he know de man personally an’ he is de MP for de area.. ah whole setta stupid talk.. an’ what get meh… de man call de Police Station 6 o’clock, yes, SIX O’CLOCK in de mornin’ to inquire… anodder example of dose oh so cute blunders dat cost parties dere place in government…!

De man cyah seem to understand that his present post does not allow him to do things that as an ordinary MP he was capable of doing……

I suppose we could expect to see him J’ouvert mornin’ in ah diaper an’ cover dong in mud…?  Ah mean, why not, he ent ah citizen too?

Now all de man had to do, was say he concerned about the man, an’ he called but he could see how being PM, dat coulda put pressure on de Police, an’ it was not intentional, an’ apologise for any discomfort caused, etc.. bow out gracefully an’ continue on…but NO!  He say if de occasion arises he would do it again!

Yuh only have to shake yuh head an’ wonder how he does it……top off asinine movements with even more asinine statements! Truly a rare find, a talent, genius!

An’ yuh believe dis dominate headlines for 4 days?! Newsprint mus’ be real cheap, boy!
 

FLEET FEET.....

Ah have to make an entry here to hail out Dion Rodriguez, Darrel Brown, Kevin Straker and Marc Burns who went to de Penn relays and not only retained de High School gold, but even broke de championship record in de process!

Dey mash it up, jump on it an’ stamp it into de ground!  Way to go fellas.. no mean accomplishment…. two ah dem did run in de Olympics and bring home bronze for we.. l’il boys showin’ up big men!
 

SOMET'ING FOR DE MOTHERS.....

Ah know mother’s day gone, but ah was t’inkin’ de odder dey about all dem mothers yuh does see on TV, an’ wonder wey dey get dem from… nice model bodies, wearin’ designer clothes and fashion at home, de house neat like ah hotel lobby, well behaved, smart chilren.. yeah, dem PERFECT mothers… ah nearly dead laughin’… dem eh know about real TRINBAGO mothers boy….. now dem is mother!  Yuh know de type…….


Who when’ yuh steups, yuh hearin’ STEUUUPPSSS-BAP!  By de time yuh finish steups de back hand already connect wit’ yuh mout’, so yuh only hearin’ one sound!

Who when yuh goin’ out, use to warn yuh.. “If yuh make meh shame in public, is me an’ yuh when ah get back!”

When yuh pass yuh teacher or neighbour straight on de road, is tap behin’ yuh head.. “Wha’ happen yuh eh see yuh Ms. Jones, say mornin’!”

Who if yuh get beat in school, yuh dare not go home an’ say so….. yuh go get ah further cut tale for shamin’ de family!

Who when yuh in town an’ sun burnin’ yuh, used to say, “Stan’ up in meh shadow” an’ take de sun for yuh…!

Who would go to market an’ carry ah heavy basket of goods in one hand an’ ah chile in de odder, an’ still get all she had to get..!

Who coulda turn ah pot on ah gas stove an’ make ah stew chicken dem restaurants wit’ dey trained chefs cyah equal !

Who would wear ah ole dress home, hair all over de place, but wen she goin’ out, yuh cyah recognise de woman…. an’ she eh reach no hairdressin’ salon yet!

Who when yuh leavin’ de house in ah “brief” outfit , would ask “Wey yuh T'INK yuh goin’”, an’ yuh know dat is de end of dat fashion statement!

De type who could fasten yuh to ah wall wit’ ah “cut eye”… an’ whole day yuh tip toeing ‘round de place, because yuh eh want to get ah nex’ one!

De type of mother, no matter how big yuh get, is still yuh mother (an’ yuh glad!)


Ah remember Sparrow calypso…

….ah say you cannot repay until your dyin’ day..
Though you may own de stars an’ moon above..
You’d be ah very lucky fella.. if yuh still have de treasure …
As the wealth of ah mother’s love……

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Dat’ s all for dis weeks folks..remember any queries, comments, questions, hailouts, etc… just write to we anchorman, Cobra at ttcobra1@hotmail.com an’ we go get back to alyuh… Peace, ah gone…blessings…… So Dis praise song was written for de pan man…to all those who showed their dedication…out of yesterday’s rejection….onward to ah new perfection…….(background music… Dedication…..Rudder)